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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22960825">the sun and the moon keep our secrets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_strangest_person/pseuds/the_strangest_person'>the_strangest_person</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Cute, Destiny, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Love, Lovesickness, Shirbert, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, smitten gilbert, stubborn anne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:28:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22960825</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_strangest_person/pseuds/the_strangest_person</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>~ANNE &amp; GILBERT SOULMATE AU~</p><p>where anne stubbornly keeps her soulmate mark hidden, trying to thwart destiny for as long as she can, ignoring the that every little sign is pointing her towards her best friend gilbert blythe. </p><p>OR</p><p> anne and gilbert stay awake talking to the moon about their hopes for a soulmate.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>531</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the oak tree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>welcome to another shirbert fanfic from me (please check out my others if you haven't already), and this one is a multi-chaptered fic! </p><p>another soulmate AU (because you can never have too many) but although elements may seem similar to those in other books, this is my plot and it will be unique in its own way. I'm not sure how many chapters it will have yet, but not too many as the chapters themselves are quite long and detailed. </p><p>hope you enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anne had always been drawn towards the sun and the moon. There was something enchanting about how they worked together to create the tides, perfect partners that were somehow always out of sync. Although never graced with the opportunity to see a solar eclipse herself, she dreamed of their reunion as one rose and the other fell, cursed with different paths. The moon had always been content in reflecting the sun's light, occupying it's role throughout the dark nights while the sun faded behind the mountains to sleep. She could only hope that their romantical tale would continue someday, that they could orbit side by side as equal partners - the greatest love story of the universe. It only made sense that such soulmates wanted to share their love with the world, to craft each soul a perfect match, puzzle pieces that would always fit together. The tale suggested that the team designed their own treasure hunt : every story and first meeting planned out to the last detail, fate working alongside them, leaving behind beautiful soulmate marks as the most perfect clues.</p><p>But it was a future that Anne could never want.</p><p><em>"My, my, child!"</em> Marilla had exclaimed once Anne had first arrived at Green Gables, her eyes closing in on a strip of white fabric bandage along her pale skin, "...what on earth is that on your neck? Are you injured?"</p><p>Anne's hand instinctively reached up to cover the bandage. "Oh, it's simply my soulmate mark."</p><p>Marilla frowned. "Why on earth do you keep it covered like that?"</p><p>She held herself with what she hoped was confidence, keeping her voice steady, "I have decided to thwart destiny for as long as I possibly can. My heart and soul belong solely to me, and I won't allow myself to be given over like a pretty piece of property."</p><p>"You cannot thwart destiny forever."</p><p>Anne stuck her chin out. <em>"Watch me."</em></p><p>When the mark first appeared on her skin, she had assumed that it was a consequence of spending too much time out in the sun. But as she got older, the shape began to change until the inked drawing on the crook of her neck twisted into the form of a tree - an oak tree. In another world, she would have been positively thrilled to have such an intricate mark with wispy leaves caressing her pale skin. But it was difficult to focus on its beauty when she was so terrified of what meaning the mark carried, knowing that fate had decided to keep her prisoner alongside the girls in her class. She kept her own word, wrapping the same bandage around her neck before every breakfast, only revealing her mark when she was in the comfort of her own thoughts. The children at school flaunted their soulmate marks, swapping stories of when their mark first appeared and basking in the glee of having a chosen other half. Anne watched those around her with a clenched jaw, only ever planning on keeping her own destiny firmly hidden, desiring to only live her life as the bride of adventure. </p><p>And then Gilbert Blythe tumbled into her universe.</p><p>It became a habit, to convince herself that she didn't notice anything about him. But she had immediately noticed the dark curl that was always out of place, often clenching her fists so that she didn't storm over and fix it herself, and she had noticed that his eyelashes were longer than hers. She noticed how frustratingly clever he was in school, the biggest threat to her top spot in class and without a doubt, the biggest threat in the playground with his insistent teasing. She noticed that he always brought in a second red apple from his orchard and sometimes their eyes would meet as if it was meant for her, but when she looked down at her cracked slate with a scowl, he placed it on Mr Phillip's desk and for a split second - almost looked disappointed. After the slate incident, she hoped that he would have enough sense to stay away from her so that he did not end up with another concussion, but the hazel-eyed boy had a different idea. He often pestered her until she turned bright red with anger, offering his help with her schoolwork as if she wasn't smart enough to finish it herself, walking ten paces behind her (clearly too scared to offer accompanying her home). She noticed other things too : the loose thread on his right sleeve, the freckle just above his jaw line that danced around when he laughed, the smell of autumn leaves that he carried with him, how he walked around with such confidence. He somehow found ways to get on her last nerve without even trying, smiling at her innocently from across the classroom as if he had not once yanked on her red hair. She ignored his stares defiantly, not wanting him to be under the impression that they were friends (she could never be friends with someone who drove her so utterly mad all of the time).</p><p>"You're going to fall!" Josie crossed her arms over her chest.</p><p>Diana grew concerned, "Anne, I wish you wouldn't sit up there all of the time, it makes me awfully nervous!"</p><p>"Nobody would bother catching you!" Billy sneered up at her.</p><p>Anne ignored all of them, continuing to climb so that she could feel the warmth of the afternoon sun on her skin. The tree outside of the schoolhouse was fairly sturdy and it had a perfectly curved branch near the top for her to sit and admire the view of Avonlea. Even as the sun peeked out from behind the trees, she could feel it waiting like a faithful friend, always offering her comfort when she felt most alone. Watching the sun shine brightly up in the sky, she felt like a lost traveler being guided home by the north star, like a fairy chasing the ball of light as it disappeared over the hill. As the wind ran through her red hair, it almost felt like it was trying to whisper a secret, but Anne could never quite work out what it so desperately wanted to tell her.</p><p>
  <em>"Do you consider yourself a woodland nymph?" </em>
</p><p>Her head snapped down to see Gilbert's amused face below, eyes squinting as he watched her. In the past few weeks that he had been following her around like a lost puppy, Anne had been getting fed up of his wise cracks and determination. While she sat with the girls at lunchtime and swapped snacks, she could sometimes feel his gaze on her, knowing that if she lifted her gaze and looked through the window, he would be waving at her quietly. For someone that was so thoroughly-liked, she observed  (not noticed, she definitely did not notice), that he would sit alone on the log where he once tried to offer her an apple, reading dreary poetry. If she cared (though she most certainly did not), she would have stood in front of him with crossed arms so that he did not perceive it as friendliness, asking why he seemed to whisper the poems to himself as if he was trying to memorize them all. She may have spent a moment listening before joining him on the log, whispering that Whitman was also her favorite poet. But her thoughts were broken as soon as she remembered that this was the real world, and that in the real world, Anne Shirley Cuthbert and Gilbert Blythe were only destined to be mere acquaintances.</p><p>"Because if you do..." his cheeky voice broke her thoughts, "...consider yourself to be a woodland nymph, that is...I feel obliged to tell you that there are several other trees in Avonlea that would appreciate your protection."</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "Of course <em>you</em> read about Greek mythology."</p><p>"Sometimes."</p><p>"When you aren't reading Whitman?"</p><p>Gilbert grinned up at her. "You noticed that?"</p><p><em>"No"</em> she looked away sharply, crossing her arms as she stared out at the twinkling sun, "I didn't <em>notice </em>it. Although if I did, it would not be very difficult considering that you don't read anything else...don't you ever get bored?"</p><p>He shrugged. "I like his perspective. I'm sure that you can understand, surely you must find sitting up in this tree every day...somewhat thrilling?"</p><p>"It would be much more thrilling if I had some peace and quiet, without a persistent woodpecker interrupting."</p><p>A laugh escaped him. "A woodpecker?"</p><p>She nodded down to where his hands were rested on the trunk of the tree, pushing against it for support as he craned his neck up to watch her from below, his fingers tapping on the bark every so often. Gilbert lifted his hands up in surrender and stepped a couple of feet away from the tree, as if realizing that he had been trespassing on sacred property. Anne tried to focus on the view and force her body to relax, but it was difficult when every nerve in her body felt alive with electricity, sending her warning signals that he was still waiting for her below.</p><p>"Gilbert..." she scuffed her boot along the side of a branch, "...don't you have anything better to do?"</p><p>He leaned his entire body against the tree this time, lifting a hand up to his eyes to shield himself from the summer sun. There was something about the way that he looked at her, never failing to make her squirm. It was something genuine and that was not something that she was used to, she was not prepared to meet someone that had a strange curiosity to get to know her, <em>really</em> get to know her. Gilbert had been trying to be a part of her life for weeks and something told her that he would not soon give up, making it his life mission to shake everything upside down in a world that had just started to feel familiar. She hoped that he realized it had been a suicide mission from the beginning.</p><p>After a moment of watching her glare down at him, his voice was filled with honesty, "...what if I just prefer your company over everyone else's?"</p><p>She looked away. "I'm no woodland nymph, Gilbert. Even if I was, I wouldn't need saving from a woodpecker that believes himself to be a knight."</p><p>"I'm not trying to save you."</p><p>Anne peered at him. "So you won't mind if I climb higher?"</p><p>"Go ahead."</p><p>She searched his eyes for a moment, stretching up to grab the branch above her, expecting him to flinch or show some sign of discomfort. But he had a strange look in his eyes as he grinned up at her, waiting for her to continue climbing. Anne stubbornly continued climbing higher with shaking hands, frustrated at her inability to understand him, remembering the way that everyone else felt for certain that she would fall to her death. But Gilbert stayed silent even as she stopped climbing soon after, leaning on a higher branch as she watched him with narrowed eyes, "Why aren't you worried like everyone else?"</p><p>His head tilted, smile widening. "Something tells me that you're more than capable of taking care of yourself."</p><p>In that moment, she felt like a hot air balloon that had been set free. There was nothing but sky surrounding her, not a single cloud in sight and the certainty that even when she didn't - there was someone who believed that she would go far. Her future came in flashes, the pair of them smiling through the darkness and always offering to lend a hand to each other, leaning for support. Even if Anne would not admit it to herself often, she had a strange feeling that they were destined to be good friends, kindred spirits even. That afternoon, she accepted the hand that he offered her when she started climbing down the tree, letting him steady her arms as she dropped down beside him on the ground. There was a glimmer within his eyes, a soft smile that was usually hidden by the mischief and she couldn't help but grin back at him.</p><p>Gilbert Blythe was the first person to believe in her.</p><p>...</p><p>Throughout the several years that followed their first <em>real</em> conversation, the seasons changed as they always did : the leaves softening into vibrant autumn colors as they tumbled to the ground, harsh winter supplying a generous layer of pure white snow over the branches, hopeful spring buds sprouting again before the dazzling summer sun came back even brighter than the year before. It seemed that something had begun to change within Anne's friendship with Gilbert every year, although less certain than the passing of the seasons. After sprinkles of maturity had settled over them both, the pair found themselves partaking less in hostile arguments, instead finding new ways to surprise each other and work better together than they had ever expected. The universe seemed to find peculiar ways to push them together, still rooting for the pair that were still somehow oblivious to their true destiny. When Miss Stacey blessed the school house with her presence, they spent multiple hours studying together and staying behind after class for extra lessons. Once Bash found his own soulmate in Mary, there was cause for frequent family dinners and the Cuthbert's helped out considerably when baby Delphine was born. They had grown closer and although she would not often admit it to herself, Anne was often very grateful to have Gilbert in her life.</p><p>"Anne!"</p><p>She continued walking, not daring to look behind her.</p><p>"Anne!"</p><p>She rolled her eyes before turning around, clutching her books against her chest tightly, watching the figure pant before her. Gilbert shot her a hopeful smile, glancing down at the books in her hands.</p><p>"What do you want?"</p><p>He sent her a look. "You already know what I'm going to ask."</p><p>"Well..." she sniffed, shrugging, "...then I hope you already know my answer."</p><p>A sigh escaped his lips as she turned on her heel, already continuing her walk home after the after school study sessions for Queens. They had both been focused heavily on their further education, staying behind with several classmates and with every day that passed, Gilbert had shown his hesitance for Anne to walk home by herself. He had started out by picking up her books without even asking, waiting by the door for her - but he soon realized that it only earned him a thump on the chest before Anne snatched her books back. He seemed to have realized his mistake and this time he had chased after her down the path while she tried her best to increase pace.</p><p>"I won't carry your books this time" he tried to reason with her.</p><p>Anne huffed. "I'm not walking home with you."</p><p><em>"Anne..."</em> he whined and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to make her see sense, "...I wish you wouldn't be so difficult. I'm not offering to walk you home because I think that you are weak or incapable of it, but it makes me feel better to know that you have some company. We are friends, right? Can't you just think of it as a friendly catch up?"</p><p>She fixed him with a stare. "You're not walking with me."</p><p>"How about I walk you halfway?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Just up to the fork in the road?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"100 steps?" he offered, half joking.</p><p>She narrowed her eyes, nodding once. <em>"100 steps."</em></p><p>Gilbert's lips twitched, grateful to have got any progress with such a strong-minded girl and he soon fell into step beside her. The gentleman inside of him was itching to carry her school books and to link their arms together on the rough path, but he held himself back so that he would not earn another slate to the head (knowing that she would never hesitate to use it). It was a quiet afternoon and with it being the start of spring, the sun was already beginning to set, something that Anne noticed with a small frown. She still longed for the sun to be up at all hours, but as soon as the moon rose she found the contentment that she had been looking for, knowing that she always had a friend to confide in. Once they got into a steady rhythm, Anne sneaked a glance at Gilbert and noticed him already looking back at her. Her cheeks flamed and she snapped her gaze back onto the floor, ignoring the laugh that he had tried to hide.</p><p>"I uh..." Gilbert rubbed the back of his neck, "...did actually need to ask you something, if that's okay."</p><p>Anne's lip twitched. "Need my help with another essay?"</p><p>"No, not-"</p><p>"Are you sure?" she teased.</p><p>He let his shoulder knock against hers and chuckled, "What about you? Are those geometry questions still causing you trouble?"</p><p>"Very funny, Blythe."</p><p>He held up his hands, "The real question that I needed to ask, was if you would help me babysit Delly tomorrow? Mary and Bash are going to visit her friends in The Bog and well...Mary prefers it when you're over to help. She says that you have some kind of magic touch."</p><p>Anne grinned to herself, "Delly just likes me more."</p><p>"Impossible" Gilbert scoffed.</p><p>"Whatever you say..." Anne chimed, turning to look at him with a sly look on her face, "...I guess we'll see tomorrow, won't we? I would love to come over and help you look after her. That little angel deserves to be smothered with as much love and affection as we can bestow on her!"</p><p>Something inside of Gilbert felt four and his expression dimmed, realizing why Anne was so determined to give Delly such a wonderful childhood. Before he had the chance to speak up and ask her about it (although she would not have given him real answers anyway), he noticed that she was looking at him expectantly. His eyebrows furrowed, "What?"</p><p>She nodded to the path behind him. "It's been 100 steps."</p><p>Gilbert sighed, "Anne, are you really-"</p><p>She giggled, shooing him away with her hands as if she had a kitchen towel within her grasp, "<em>Off with you then!"</em></p><p>He shook his head, heart warm. "Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, you're impossible."</p><p>"You love me anyway!"</p><p>The redhead sauntered away down her own path with a new spring in her step, braids flying out behind her with purpose. He watched her for a minute before finding the alternate route to his own home, shaking his head so that he wouldn't march back there and let his heart speak the truth. But he still felt it in every single step he took, heart thumping along to his walk if chanting mercilessly : <em>yeah Gilbert, you really do.</em></p><p>...</p><p>When hearing the name <em>Gilbert Blythe</em>, she would have once thought of his dark eyes, lips always curved into a mischievous smile. A few short years ago, everything about him would have led to a warning signal, as if a he walked around with a danger sign on his back that instructed her to stay away. He was the epitome of trouble. But now that she knew him, <em>really</em> knew him, she knew that he often contradicted everything that she once labelled him as. He was always smart and competitive, but he was kind and sensible, caring and tender. While she could never forget him pulling on her hair so harshly and hissing what she deemed as an insult, she couldn't think of a single time that Gilbert Blythe had judged her. In fact, he was often there for her when nobody else was, and sometimes she let herself forget how <em>good</em> he truly was. Sitting across from her now with the late afternoon sunshine on his skin, his strong hands tickled Delphine gently and held her close to his chest with such care. It was such an endearing sight that Anne couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped her.</p><p>"You're so good with her."</p><p>Gilbert glanced up at her, eyes curious. "Why do you always say that like it surprises you?"</p><p>"It does sometimes surprise me..." she admitted quietly as she watched Delly squealing for attention, "...it's not often that men are willing to give babies such attention, to really look after them and give them the love that they need. Most of the time they simply expect women to do everything."</p><p>He noticed her spitting the words out bitterly with a faraway look in her eyes, speaking up in a careful tone, "Do you worry that your father would have been like that?"</p><p>A sad little smile took over her face, "Well, I didn't really get to find out."</p><p>Delphine looked so safe and loved in his arms, staring up at her Uncle with what could only be described as awe. After a few moments she curled her tiny hand around a few of his fingers, bringing them up to her mouth and sucking on them happily. Gilbert let her, distracted by the crease between Anne's eyebrows and she watched as the innocent baby curl up into his chest and let her head rest just where his heartbeat would be. It was a sight that warmed her heart but somehow left her feeling so empty inside. Somewhere deep down, she knew that the love her parents gave her was short-lived and although it wasn't their fault, she was soon left in a cold world that offered her no kindness. Once she laid eyes on the baby, she had promised the little miracle on the very first day that she wouldn't know the same feeling, that she would only live a life filled with love - the life that Anne had always wished for.</p><p>"Anne...I-"</p><p>She shook her head, "Don't."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>Her expression brightened slightly, "It really is okay, I won't let her have the same experience that I had. She will have all of the love that I wished for before I came to Green Gables."</p><p>Gilbert shook his head, looking down at his niece, "It still doesn't make it right...that you didn't grow up feeling loved."</p><p>"I'm loved now, aren't I?"</p><p>"Yeah..." his voice was weaker, <em>"...you are."</em></p><p>Anne's gaze fell away from him and landed on the photo frame on the other side of the wall, a dusty image of a tall man with the same deep hazel eyes that she had come to know, "And..." she started slowly, taking a deep breath, "...when your father passed away, it didn't mean that you weren't still loved."</p><p>He was taken aback, feeling more vulnerable than he had expected, clearing his throat gently, "...I know."</p><p>In honesty, he was often surprised at how much Anne noticed and how much she seemed to understand. Even before he had finally convinced her to be his friend, she had been watching him from afar (whether or not she would ever admit it) and always paid attention to small details that nobody else even bothered with. Nobody else hovered around him at the funeral, trying to work out if words would be enough or if her presence would just make things worse and nobody else reminded him that he would always be loved. Gilbert resorted to the comfort of the moon, praying up to it at night as if believing it that it was somehow watching over him for his father, making sure that he knew that he was never truly alone. While he spent the time away on the S.S.Primrose, he only had the moon and the stars surrounding the endless black sea that they wandered through, the only thing that ever felt close enough to home. He was broken out of his thoughts by a gentle pressure, the weight of Anne's small hand resting on top of his own and his eyes slowly met hers. When she gave his a comforting squeeze, it once again felt like he was being guided back home.</p><p>"You used to read Whitman to your father, didn't you?" she asked weakly, a question that had been weighing on her mind for years.</p><p>He closed his eyes, confirming her answer.</p><p>Anne bit her lip, "And that's why he's always been your favorite."</p><p>He meekly nodded, eyes on Delly.</p><p>"You never really talk about him...I know you may not like to but I just...I-I wanted to make sure you know you can. It's okay to talk about him and I...I will always be here to listen."</p><p>Gilbert's words were sweet like honey cake, "Thank you."</p><p>The heavy atmosphere was broken by the sound of Delly fussing, tossing and turning in his hold as if trying to get comfortable again. He leaned down and shushed her quietly, leaving a soft kiss on her forehead that had begun to grow sweet little brown curls that Anne would one day decorate with wildflowers. She smiled as she watched him with his niece, knowing that he would always protect her and make sure that she had more than just her loving parents. Delly kept fussing, squirming away from his chest and before he could try to work out what was wrong, her chubby hands were reaching out towards Anne. They both laughed gently and Gilbert shuffled closer so that she was closer to the new object of her attention, hands finally managing to touch Anne's hair. Her little fingers tugged gently on one of Anne's braids and played with it, a look of wonder on her little face and they both watched her with grins.</p><p>"She really likes your braids."</p><p>Anne giggled, "I hope she doesn't call them carrots too!"</p><p>He sent her a look, "Are you still mad about that?"</p><p>"I'm certainly never going to forget it!" her voice was loud and unshakable, but when she turned to face him, her eyes were warm like the sunshine that beamed through the window.</p><p>"Anne?"</p><p>She hummed, eyes curious.</p><p>"We're friends, aren't we?" he asked in a hopeful voice.</p><p>Her face softened and when she reached to take Delphine from his grasp, their fingers brushed together but neither one of them felt uncomfortable. "Don't go shouting it from the rooftops..." she teased, "...<em>but yes, we are."</em></p><p>A short while later, Bash and Mary had returned home with welcoming smiles and tired bodies from their journey to The Bog, greeting their daughter with open arms and kisses. They asked Anne to stay for dinner but she explained that her own family would be expecting her home and that she couldn't wait to chase the sun over the hills as she found her way back to Green Gables. Being the gentleman that he was, Gilbert insisted on walking her home again and she reluctantly agreed after seeing Mary's expecting smile, as if she was silently hoping that she would agree. They walked in a comfortable silence and Gilbert let her watch the sun disappear over the trees with enchanted eyes. If she would have been paying enough attention, she would have seen him watching her with his usual fond expression, but her gaze was focused on the beautiful atmosphere around them, an evening that felt magical.</p><p>She stopped after a short while and turned to him, hands on hips but her eyes were shining like diamonds, <em>"100 steps, remember?"</em></p><p>He laughed but eventually agreed, turning back around so that he could get home and start his chores.</p><p>"Oh, and Gilbert?"</p><p>He turned around to face her. "Yeah?"</p><p>Anne was quiet for a moment, a soft expression on her face as she bit her lower lip thoughtfully, trying to find the words to say. There was so much left unsaid between them and his heart started pounding at her intense silence, wondering if they would start teetering on the edge of something equally terrifying and exciting. The words that left her lips were simple but they somehow felt life changing at the same time.</p><p>
  <em>"Whitman is my favorite too."</em>
</p><p>...</p><p>By the time she had reached the familiarity of home, it was dusk. The vibrant colors had started to fade into nightfall, like ink bleeding through paper, darkness swallowing everything until there was hardly any room for the slightest shadow. While she finished her vegetables, she couldn't stop looking at Matthew and Marilla, noticing how synchronized they were and how they both had strange habits. But she knew that underneath all of their hard work and love that they bestowed on her, though still together - they were both alone. She had asked many questions about their soulmates but was often shooed away, told that it was none of her business or that they refused to dwell on the past. The only clue that she had were their small soulmate marks, each located in different places with meanings that she longed to decode. It felt unfair to her that such wonderful souls had been left in the cold, their perfect match lost or forgotten somewhere in the world. To Anne, they both deserved as much happiness as the universe would give them. That night she gave them both an extra kiss on the cheek, hugging them tighter to her as if trying to take away some of the pain that she knew lay within their hearts. As she trudged upstairs glumly, her mind kept drifting back to the ideology of soulmates and how she sometimes wished such a thing did not exist.</p><p>As she watched the moon glowing like a faraway lantern in the sky, she subconsciously touched the white bandage covering her soulmate mark. She could remember seeing Mary and Bash when they returned home, how they shared secret kisses and often gravitated to each other's side in the kitchen, in fact - she had watched them together for over a year and couldn't help but notice it. They were the only evidence that she had, that having a perfectly crafted soulmate did not always turn out terribly.</p><p><em>"Oh...but dear moon..."</em> she whispered in the silence of her room, looking up at the ball of light as if it was her own personal guide, "...<em>I'm so terrified.</em> What if I am not destined for a love like Mary and Bash? What if I am stuck with someone who merely demeans my worth and believes me to be another problem? I...I could never see a romantic partner for myself but now I know that it's inevitable...I just...<em>I'm so scared.</em> Most of all, I think I'm afraid that my soulmate will end up resenting being made for someone like me...they will curse you and the stars for giving them such a fate. <em>Oh, dear moon...</em>I don't know what I will ever do when I find my soulmate."</p><p>Her voice cracked and her teary eyes stayed focused on the sight in the mirror as she ripped off the white bandage. She was not careful, nor was she kind to her skin as she pressed her thumb to the mark as if hoping that it could merely wipe away like a stain. The beautiful oak tree deserved to be shown off with pride, but Anne crawled under the covers without sparing it another glance, not wanting to get attached to the idea of a future that she could never have.</p><p>As she fell asleep that night, the moon twinkled back at her as if it knew something that she didn't.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. part of the sky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter summary : after being beaten in the spelling bee, anne allows gilbert to sit up in the oak tree with her -- just for one day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The storm inside her eyes raged, warning him to look away. But it was a destructive beauty that had become so familiar to him over the years, the fire inside of her only drawing him closer. Ominous dark clouds rolled across the usual clear blue and when the corner of her lips tilted upwards in challenge, he saw lightning ripping through an inky night sky. He knew right there and then that he was within the danger path, maybe he always had been - it would explain his fascination for cataclysmic hurricanes.</p><p>She was complicated, alright. She was constantly trying to get on his last nerve and she never let anyone close enough to peel back the layers that he knew were there. But there was something very simple about Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, and it was that she would <em>never</em> miss an opportunity to win. </p><p>"Spell Amateur."</p><p>"A-M-A-T-E-U-R."</p><p>"Spell Annihilate."</p><p>"A-N-N-I-H-I-L-A-T-E."</p><p>"Spell Jeopardize."</p><p>"J-E-O-P-A-R-D-I-Z-E."</p><p>"Spell Millennium."</p><p>"M-I-L-L-E-N-N-I-U-M."</p><p>"Spell Odyssey."</p><p>"O-D-Y-S...." Anne found herself faltering for a moment, a determined look on her face as she tried to concentrate, "...S-E-Y."</p><p>"Spell Pneumonia."</p><p>Anne glanced over at Gilbert warily, but much to her disappointment, he confidently spelled the word after having recognized it through his medical practice, "...P-N-E-U-M-O-N-I-A."</p><p>"Spell Kaleidoscope."</p><p>"K-A-L..." she hesitated, "...I-"</p><p>"I'm sorry, Anne..." Miss Stacey announced, placing her hands on her hips and nodding, "...but that is incorrect. Gilbert is the winner for this week, congratulations!"</p><p>Their eyes locked from across the classroom, clashing painfully like piano keys. If they were in medieval times, her small hands would be clutching a sword, making sure to keep it leveled with her twitching nose before she struck at his chest. In reality, she crossed her arms and listened to her classmates applaud her opponent, framed by the blackboards behind them. Her stomach was filled with lead as she sat back down, brushing off Diana's hand that squeezed her shoulder. When Miss Stacey announced that they would be finishing off the day with geometry, Anne sunk further into her seat and rested her chin on the desk with a huff. She frowned at the feeling of a pair of eyes on her back, not even needing to guess who they belonged to. He had a habit of glancing at her through class, she assumed it was to check out his competition and to make sure that she did not knock him off his top spot. But she was in no mood for his childish antics today and when she turned to raise her eyebrows at him, he had the audacity to send her a sympathetic smile.</p><p>She stuck her tongue out in reply.</p><p>The sun was warm against her face and Anne let her eyes flutter closed. If she imagined hard enough, she could pretend that she was the <em>goddess of nature</em>, the sturdy branch that she was sitting on making the most wonderful throne. She could lift her hands up and conduct the sounds of the woodland as she wished, welcoming every creature big or small as her dearest friends, the wind rustling the leaves as if singing to her. Or maybe she could invent a tragical tale of a lost princess trapped at the tree's highest point, waiting for a handsome stranger to climb her long hair and rescue her. But the princess would eventually blend into the trunk of the tree, the leaves growing into her hair until she was unrecognizable, left behind all alone. A most tragical romance. As she kept daydreaming, she could barely hear her classmates leaving for the day, glancing at her warily as they passed the tree, knowing that she was lost in a world of her own. Anne breathed in deeply, smelling the fresh air and feeling the rough texture of the tree bark beneath her fingertips.</p><p>"You almost got me on that last word."</p><p>Her eyes snapped open, a familiar voice calling up to her from the ground below. Although there was several feet between them, she could practically hear him whispering into her ear. It was a voice that she had become accustomed to, a voice that always wanted got attention that he didn't even want in the first place. Anne looked down, seeing him grin at her sheepishly and she rolled her eyes.</p><p>"Yeah, right" she grumbled under her breath.</p><p>But above all else, Gilbert Blythe was not the kind of person to give up easily, "No, really!" he continued, raising his voice at the end, "...I always get that one wrong, no matter how hard I practice. It sounds so different when you say it to how you are actually supposed to-"</p><p><em>"Gilbert"</em> she dragged his name out, <em>"go home."</em></p><p>He leaned against her tree, crossing his arms over his chest, "I think you're too hard on yourself."</p><p>"Did it ever occur to you that I'm not up here because I'm sulking over losing..." she raised her eyebrows at him, "...that maybe I'm just enjoying the view?"</p><p>"You'll beat me next time."</p><p>
  <em>"Gilbert."</em>
</p><p><em>"Anne"</em> he returned, "I just wanted to check that you're okay."</p><p>It was then that she saw it on his face, the painstaking honesty that drove her crazy. Gilbert Blythe may have been many things, but he was no liar. The sun was shining down on him through the trees and he had to lift his hand to shield his face, but she could still see that forlorn look in his eyes. It made her realize that she had gotten it wrong all along, that underneath his good deeds and charming smile, maybe it was possible that he just wanted to fix everyone around him. He was a face among many that had seen so much death, had felt so much pain and dealt with such adversity but he had held strong through it all. It was pain that he wouldn't let anyone else see and she knew that none of them cared enough to really <em>look</em>. It must have taken something from him, it must have torn up his insides to give too much and to break himself into pieces for those hat he cared about. She wondered if he was hoping to fix himself along the way.</p><p>"Come up here."</p><p>"W-What?" he spluttered slightly, "...in the tree?"</p><p>She shrugged, "Think of it as a prize, for managing to beat me this time...and trust me, it won't be happening again", her eyes narrowed, <em>"...just for today, okay?"</em></p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>"If you can climb as well as me, that is."</p><p>Gilbert chuckled, his arms immediately grabbing for the lowest branches within his reach, his height giving him an unfair advantage. After hoisting himself up, it was relatively easy with his strength and agility to make it near the top where Anne was waiting for him. He was good at tree climbing, maybe even as good as her. In another world, she might have pushed him off the branch or frowned at how easily he rose up to her level. But she couldn't help being almost impressed, <em>almost</em>. The world felt bigger from where they sat, their weight supported by the deep roots running into the ground. He blew out a long breath when he caught a glimpse of the sky, never realizing how close he could get to it until now. The afternoon sun was softening with the promise of dusk, clouds rolling into obscure shapes, constantly moving alongside the wind. There was one cloud and if he squinted his eyes hard enough, it looked like a sail boat. When he glanced over at the person sitting next to him, she was looking up at the same cloud, a smile twitching at the edge of her lips as if she was seeing the same thing.  Gilbert's heart grew warm, but it had nothing to do with the sun shining down on them, and everything to do with how it felt like they were sharing something special - <em>just for them.</em></p><p>"Can I ask you something?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>There was a strange, almost solemn expression on her face, "You're not going to stay in Avonlea forever, are you?"</p><p>Gilbert turned towards her, "What?"</p><p>"I never expected you to stay, I mean you left...after your father...to work on the steamship. Sometimes I can't help wondering if you would have ever come back if you never met Bash, I suppose there was nothing really keeping you here. But there will come a day where Bash will encourage you to move on with your life, to stop taking care of them like you always do. You'll find bigger and better things to move onto...and you'll leave for somewhere far away from here."</p><p>"Would you miss me if I did?" he teased.</p><p>Anne looked away sharply but couldn't find it within herself to lie.</p><p>"If I'm being honest, I have no idea what my future holds", he admitted quietly, "...it can be so uncertain and I know you find that exciting, but I think it scares me more. I-I don't want to end up making the wrong decision or messing things up somehow, I sometimes just wish things could stay exactly how they are. But I guess you're right, I can't stay in Avonlea forever."</p><p>"Try to imagine your future..." she suggested brightly, tilting her head as she watched him, "...what do you see?"</p><p>He shook his head, "It's complicated-"</p><p>"You're <em>making</em> it complicated. But if you want it to be, it can be really simple. You just have to know what you want."</p><p>He chuckled, "I've never really been good at that."</p><p>
  <em>"Gilbert."</em>
</p><p>"Okay, okay!" he blew out a sigh, "I...I want to continue working towards a career in medicine, look at different college's that focus on medical research and prevention. Maybe get a practice of my own one day, wherever I end up with my family, it doesn't really matter to me. I just want to help as many people as I can, to fix them. My Dad always used to say that was my greatest flaw. He said that I would set myself on fire while trying to get everyone else out of the burning building."</p><p>Anne nudged his shoulder affectionately, <em>"He was right."</em></p><p>"Don't look at me like that", he raised his eyebrows, "you get yourself into trouble enough...I practically had to hold you back from that man in the store last week."</p><p>She stuck her chin out, a darker look coming over her face, "He was being unforgivably rude. I would never let anybody talk to Bash and Mary like that, it makes me so angry."</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>"They're <em>soulmates</em>, Gilbert..." she shook her head, huffing under her breath, "...it's ridiculous that such close-minded people have the <em>gall</em> to tell them that they don't deserve love. Who was he to say that they shouldn't be just as happy as he is? I bet he could never find himself a woman as caring as Mary, or a man with more of a sense of humor than Bash. No matter what the color of their skin is, the sun and the moon decided that they should be together. It isn't something that should ever have to be questioned."</p><p>His jaw clenched, "There's no other term for it, it's just plain <em>wrong."</em></p><p>"We may not be able to change the way that everyone thinks..." she uttered confidently, "...but we can sure as hell <em>try."</em></p><p>"If anyone can, it's <em>you</em>" he sent her a crooked smile.</p><p>She looked up at the clouds, swinging her legs off the branch, "No matter where life takes me, I now know I must be a relentless thorn in the side of those who refuse to amend the status quo."</p><p>He nudged her shoulder again, <em>"Course you must."</em></p><p>It was then that he looked at her, grinning at the determination in her voice. This was a girl that had been tossed into the sky as if she were a bird, told to fly without instruction and expected to swim in the deep end when she had never even been taught how to paddle. He knew that underneath the glassy blue eyes that only ever dreamed of being loved, there was a <em>fighter</em>. A warrior that knew how to defend, how to protect and how to stand up for what was right, with only her words as a weapon. And when they dumped more ice into the water, she learned how to swim through it. When they stepped on her feet and demanded that she stood up, when they covered her mouth so that she could not speak - she looked into their eyes. There had always been something unshakable within those crystal clear orbs, something that could drown out the cruel words, something <em>brave</em>. She was an eagle soaring above the clouds, a phoenix rising from the ashes, and all Gilbert hoped was that someday he would be lucky enough to stand by her side while she made the world around them a better place.</p><p>"So tell me...Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, <em>relentless thorn</em>..." she sent him a blank stare, "...what do you see in your future?"</p><p>Her face started to fall, "I...I don't know, really. I uh, I guess I try not to think about it."</p><p>Gilbert frowned, "Why not?"</p><p>"You were right...<em>it's scary</em>..." her smile was sheepish yet sad, "...whenever I try to think about what the future holds and all of the thrilling adventures I could go on, I-I can't stop thinking about how things are going to change. I know I should be excited for the great unknown but...I like going to school, I like our one-room schoolhouse and having to fill the stove with logs every day in winter so that we don't get hypothermia. I like sitting up in my tree and helping Marilla set the table for dinner. I like telling Matthew about all the times I get into trouble and I...I like the adventures that I have now, <em>right here</em> in Avonlea."</p><p>"It's not just that, is it?" he asked carefully.</p><p>She sighed, hands gripping the branch tightly "I like having everyone here in one place...and I don't know where we are all going to end up. I don't know how far away I will be from my <em>family</em>, how far away my <em>friends</em> will be...<em>how far away..."</em></p><p>Her words trailed off but she glanced at him sadly, not even wanting to say it aloud, perhaps afraid that it would set it in stone.</p><p>Before the fear swallowed her whole, his hand edged closer to hers and not even a moment later, one of his fingers brushed her knuckles. It was the scariest and safest thing that either of them had felt in a long time. She wasn't sure if he understood what she was trying to say, but he always did. Some things were better off left unsaid.</p><p>"I promised you that I would come home someday <em>before</em>..." he reminded her in a gentle voice, "...<em>I can do it again."</em></p><p>He wanted to tell her that it wasn't just something that he could do, but that it was something he <em>wanted</em> to do. She was wrong to believe that there was never anything keeping him in Avonlea, and that he was wrong himself to ever think that he was trapped there. He wanted to tell her the nights that he spent telling his grumpy shipmate about a fierce red-head that used to sit up in an old oak tree and whisper to the leaves. He wanted to tell her that being on that ship taught him about diversity, about hardship and prejudice, and how all he wanted to do was for her to storm in (pirate costume and all), and fight all of those who turned from his brother in disgust. He wanted to tell her that the second he saw her face in that schoolhouse, hair chopped down to the scalp, her blue eyes bigger than ever before, that <em>home</em> was just a word without <em>someone to come back to. </em>Gilbert did not always choose the right path and he often needed some words of guidance when it came to his feelings, but he was sure of one thing. He was sure that if he woke up one day not knowing where Anne Shirley-Cuthbert was in the world, he certainly wasn't anywhere close to <em>home.</em></p><p>"What are you thinking about?" she asked him, noticing his stare.</p><p>"I'm thinking..." he finally tore his gaze back up to the view, "...that you were right about not coming up here just to sulk. It really is beautiful, it makes me feel like-"</p><p>"Like you're part of the sky?" she offered.</p><p>"Yeah..." he breathed, "...just like that."</p><p>Just then, her hands reached upwards as if they wanted to shake hands with the sun. They were a small pair, dirt underneath her fingernails, indent on the edge of her thumb from where she had been holding her pen. The freckles on her knuckles matched the ones on her cheeks and the uneven lines on her palms reminded him of the flowers that she would doodle on her slate in geometry class. Despite their appearance, he knew that such hands could tear the skies apart if they wanted to, they could create supernovas and craft a new constellation of stars. He looked at them and saw a pair of hands that could change the world, hands that wanted to reach up to the sun and tuck it into her pocket for safe keeping. But they were just her hands. Still soft and delicate, hands that didn't know how to be held properly. His own hands often had to fight within his pockets so that he didn't keep them warm between his own, rubbing the freckles on her knuckles in the hopes that she could draw them onto his own skin. He often wished that he had freckles of his own, maybe then he wouldn't spend half of his time wishing that he could trace the ones across her nose.</p><p>"It's really...<em>something</em>" he whispered.</p><p>...</p><p>He returned home feeling intoxicated. Although his youthful lips had barely had their first taste of rum, there was something dancing inside of his stomach, a buzz spreading through his bones. The wind was cold but he could only feel the cloud of warmth that he had practically floated home on.</p><p>"Blythe?" a familiar chuckle sounded, "...what are you wearing?"</p><p>His hands instantly touched the garment on top of his dark curls, hiding it behind his back. His cheeks were burning red but he could barely feel them, too busy remembering how the sunset made her red hair catch on fire. Or maybe it was how she somehow made him feel like he was conquering the world, just because he was standing right there by her side. At some point on the walk home, her fingers ran through those neat braids and unraveled the cascading river of red, burning ribbons fluttering in the wind as she ran through the trees. He remembered thinking how glorious she looked bathed in the light of the different suns, once liquid gold in the morning beams, then shimmering stars in the afternoon sunlight. But in the glow of the sunset, she set his heart aflame.</p><p>"Do I even need to ask?" Bash called teasingly as Gilbert made a beeline for the stair case.</p><p><em>"Not another word!"</em> he shouted in reply.</p><p>He placed the flower crown down on his dresser, still able to smell the fresh daisies. They had been 36 steps into their 100 step walk to her doorstep (yes, he was pathetic enough to start counting), when Anne had sat down by the small brook in a nearby meadow. Her nimble fingers reached for the prettiest blooms, daisies, lilacs, poppies, anything that she could find before she started to intricately twist them together. Gilbert sat down and watched her, grinning when her pink tongue poked out of her lips in concentration. As she sat down among the fresh flowers, it seemed as if she was crafted by mother nature herself, belonging among the dancing flowers and distracting fireflies. When she was finally finished weaving the stems together, she smiled down at her creation proudly and he opened her mouth to stupidly tell her how pretty she looked in a garden of God's best creations, but then - her eyes were so soft. His mouth hung open like a fool as she reached up and placed it on top of his curls, treating him with such care as if she was knighting him with a sword. Who could blame her for imagining such things? He certainly felt like a prince being crowned, bowing down before her as she adjusted it accordingly. She managed to turn him as soft as the running water from the stream, until he lost track of how many steps they had taken. With a bashful smile, she mumbled her acceptance to him walking her right up to Green Gables.</p><p>When she turned around and waved goodbye to him from her porch, he almost tripped over his own two feet. He felt like a duckling stumbling around aimlessly, lost far away from the pond. By the time he made it home, all he could think about was how soft her eyes were.</p><p>As he went to close his curtains, the moon twinkled at him as if trying to catch his attention. His eyes narrowed, head tilting slightly as he wondered how magical Anne would look while bathed in the moonlight. He wondered if she whispered to the moon every night, thanking it for watching over her while she slept, dreaming of the life that she would have one day. He subconsciously stroked the spot over his clothing where his soulmate mark sat, patiently waiting for the day that it would have a perfect match. If only it knew what he was too afraid to wish for.</p><p><em>"Dear gracious, heavenly, father..."</em> he bit his lip gently as he clasped his hands together, looking up at the moon, "...that's what Anne always calls you. I hope you don't me using the same endearment."</p><p>The wind made his closed eyelashes flutter.</p><p>"Anne...she believes that you and the sun were the beings that created the ideas of soulmates, who gave us our marks. I-I don't know if it's part of her imagination, but I suppose it's a nice idea. If...If you are somehow able to hear me rambling like an idiot down here..."</p><p>He chuckled sadly to himself.</p><p>"I-I...I don't quite think I'm lucky enough to have the future that I want with her. I don't rightly think that anyone deserves it. But if there's any way..."</p><p>He broke off, sighing in defeat, too afraid to say it.</p><p>"Just...I want her to have someone that will make her happy...." his voice cracked miserably, <em>"...that's a-all I want."</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay so I have to give a huge thank you to @Wenchster who was so sweet, commenting on my other works saying how much they love this AU and want it to continue! It gave me the inspiration that I needed and was such a joy to know that someone was still wishing for this to be updated! I cannot thank you enough !!</p><p>I am hoping to get the last few parts done fairly quickly, this is going to be my main focus before I start any other AU's or one shots or anything! But I hope that you're enjoying this and that it is a nice little distraction from everything going on at the moment! </p><p>sending all my love to my readers and their families x</p><p>- jodie</p><p>p.s. please leave a comment, telling me what you're expecting next and what you like about this story so far :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. equals</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter summary : anne becomes more curious about the idea of soulmates, and begins to wonder if she already knows what kind of future she wants.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.</strong>
</p><p>Anne had only ever danced alone. She had twirled around the chicken coup for hours, spinning in every direction while looking up at the sky, feet moving along to a song that only she could hear. While listening to the orchestra of the woodland, the endless stretch of grass became her dance floor and the summer air wrapped around her to make the perfect partner. It felt praying without any words. Or like flying without wings. Despite how it made her feel, she had never thought of a dance as complicated, after all it was one word, one syllable - <em>simple</em>. A normal, everyday kind of thing - like rain.</p><p>But all it took was a harmless dance in that <em>blasted</em> schoolhouse, that was all it took for her to feel like a snow globe being shaken upside down.</p><p>After all, rain was not <em>simple</em>. It took on many forms ; a calming drizzle one minute, sliding down the window pane until the next it was a falling down the sky in buckets, drenching everything in its path. And all it took was a little sunlight to pass through, reflecting, refracting and bouncing the light back in every direction - drawing a rainbow into the sky. Gilbert had a playful look in his eyes as he took his position across from her, glancing at her as Mrs Lynde spoke the instructions and called out the next steps. Her shoulders lost some tension once they started, noticing that he had not yet stepped on her toes and Anne let the music of the banjo carry her up to the clouds. When his hand clamped down on hers and span her around into his line, completely muddling up the routine that had been put in place - she wanted to be mad at him. But it was difficult to be angry when her heart felt so warm and as she looked up to glare at him, she couldn't stop giggling. The truth was, she could never hate him as the sunlight streamed through the window, twinkling and dancing in front of their eyes, breaking away into colorful shards - a kaleidoscope of light. And every time that his hand touched hers, it felt like they had created their own rainbow.</p><p>He waited for her to twist in Charlie's arms, but she quickly took notice of how disjointed it felt and a treacherous thought slipped through the cracks of her mind - <em>is it only like this with him?</em> Once she felt his fingers curl around her own, their melody resumed and she was back to propelling through a clear blue sky. She was falling without a safety net but somehow, she wasn't afraid. Instead, the grounds opened up to welcome her into the soft blades of grass, letting her drift off to sleep among the buds. If she slept long enough, maybe the sunshine would douse over her small form and lift her up through the soil like growing seeds, soon to start blooming into the brightest flowers. She was floating on the cusp of reality, dangling around in the atmosphere like a weightless, shapeless piece of existence. There were no words that could reach her ears, no sensations that could be felt apart from the tingles left on the tips of her fingers. She felt trapped in a dream - lost in a stream of consciousness. It was only when everyone else filtered out of the classroom, that she snapped back into reality and fled to grab her things. Suddenly, she was wide awake.</p><p>"Well, is there medical evidence for it?" Marilla asked after Anne had finished ranting about her disastrous walk home. She had burst through the door with panic in her eyes, red in the face and panting for breath.</p><p>"I have no idea!" she blurted, kneading the dough with rough hands.</p><p>Marilla shook her head with exasperation, "I dare say that Charlie Sloane should have a lesson on how to walk a girl home. Perhaps being a gentleman instead of filling your head with nonsense. I must say it doesn't surprise me a great deal, the Sloane family have always had their own way of doing things."</p><p>Anne huffed, nodding in a agreement.</p><p>"I was expecting you to walk home with Gilbert, you know."</p><p>Her hands immediately froze, placing the dough down as she fixed her adoptive mother with a steady look. "Why?"</p><p>Marilla glanced at her for a moment before grabbing the flour. "Rachel was here not too long ago, she said that you were dancing with him in class today...for the county fair dance practice."</p><p><em>"So?"</em> the word was spat out, her hands working quickly to distract herself. Anne tried to keep herself busy, brushing off the shakiness of her fingers and choosing to focus on making the bread. But her mind was on high alert, listening intently and wondering what Mrs Lynde must have seen to have mentioned their dancing to Marilla. A brief spell of panic hit her chest, wondering why she was suddenly so desperate to hear everything that Mrs Lynde had said and if Marilla could hear her heart pounding. She nearly dropped the dough on the floor.</p><p>She was met with raised eyebrows. "I didn't mean anything by it. You're good friends and you've walked home with him before."</p><p><em>"Part-way"</em> she mumbled defensively.</p><p>They continued on baking for a short while, the loaf of bread rising in the oven with its usual vigor. Anne was left swimming through her thoughts, a small frown taking over her face as she remembered Gilbert practically rushing away from her on the walk home, not even offering to join her. It was only when she turned to see Charlie Sloane taking the open opportunity, that something heavy settled into the pit of her stomach. It wasn't that she wanted Gilbert to walk her home or anything <em>ridiculous</em> like that, she was simply thrown off guard. After getting used to his steps beside hers, it felt strange to have someone else by her side.</p><p>"So did you enjoy the dance practice?" Marilla asked carefully as they got the loaf out of the oven.</p><p>Anne scowled. <em>"No."</em></p><p>...</p><p>Over the next week in class, she couldn't stop frowning at her oak tree. After years of hearing the leaves rustle in the wind and watching the sunlight dip them in streaks of gold, she had come to rely on her tree for a sense of comfort. It was supposed to make everything feel less complicated. But the more she watched it, the more confused she felt. It refused to squash her relentless thoughts or to whisper that everything was going to be alright, in fact it only seemed to nudge her soul as if saying - <em>wake up,</em> <em>you're missing something</em>. Anne couldn't help but wonder if she would lose herself further once she found her soulmate. The examples of marriage life that she had been exposed to, they were filled with manipulation and control, misery and <em>so</em> much yelling. She had watched something being taken from the women as the days passed, until they were practically walking around half-asleep and controlled by their puppet master. Anne wanted her mind to belong to no one but herself. She wanted to control her thoughts and to own her heart, even if there was space in there for someone else. But after all, what was marriage if not surrendering yourself to another?</p><p>"Miss Stacey?" she stayed after the end of the day, smiling innocently at her beloved teacher.</p><p>"Is everything alright, Anne?"</p><p>She took a deep breath. "Were you and your husband soulmates?"</p><p>The woman in front of her was startled by the question, "Well, yes-"</p><p>"Did you have a happy marriage?"</p><p>"Well, I-"</p><p>"Were you still able to live a full life?"</p><p>"Now, Anne-"</p><p>"I hope he didn't hold you back from anything that-"</p><p>Anne was left with slumped shoulders, dragging her feet on the way to grab her jacket and hat. Her teacher had blinked for a good couple of minutes before skirting around her questions, packing up her things and rushing to the back room with an excuse of marking their essays. She was quickly left to her own resources, feeling less lost than before.</p><p>
  <em>"Anne..."</em>
</p><p><em>"Uh oh",</em> Anne raised her eyebrows, turning to look at Gilbert while they were walking along the same path home, "...I know that tone of voice."</p><p>He bit the side of his cheek to keep from smiling. "I know that you are curious and that you don't mean any harm...but I don't think that Miss Stacey wants to talk about her husband. She will always be grieving for him and I...I just think it makes her sad."</p><p>"I didn't mean to make her sad."</p><p>"I know you didn't", he nudged his shoulder against hers, their bags bumping along to the same rhythm, "...I just think you should be careful in the future. All of those questions might just bring her back to his death."</p><p>Anne sighed. "I know...I just wanted to learn more about soulmates."</p><p>Gilbert's voice raised in pitch slightly, <em>"Soulmates?"</em></p><p>"Yeah..." she replied quietly.</p><p>"Why...uh, why are you so interested in them all of a sudden?" he tapped the bandage on her neck in a way that made her shiver automatically, such a small touch feeling so intimate somehow. "...you've always kept yours covered."</p><p>Anne looked down at the ground. "I don't want my future to be decided for me. I will choose whom to love and I'm not willing to sit on someone's arm like a piece of jewelry."</p><p>"I don't think jewelry talks that much..." Gilbert teased lightly, chuckling when she whacked his shoulder.</p><p>"Marilla used to tell me that my soulmate would help to calm me down, that the constant noise of my thoughts would disappear. I know she didn't mean it in such a way...but I don't want my thoughts to simply fade away...for my passion to sink down the drain. I've become very fond of my imagination and the way that my mind never sleeps, even though it can make me confused. I would like to think that if someone were to be my <em>true</em> soulmate...they wouldn't want to change a single thing about me. But saying it aloud, it sounds rather silly."</p><p>Gilbert was quiet for a moment, "...I don't think it sounds silly."</p><p>"I suppose I could understand if they wanted to change my awful red hair."</p><p><em>"Anne!"</em> he laughed, "...stop being so cruel about your hair. I think it's-"</p><p>She cut him off. "Like carrots?"</p><p>
  <em>"Pretty."</em>
</p><p>It fell from his lips without thought and Anne wondered if he had been wanting to say it for a while. He said it so casually, as if he had not just disturbed her entire atmosphere, leaving her practically gasping for air. She had never felt so trapped in the middle of a wide open field, breathless in an entirely new way, in a way that wasn't entirely unpleasant. And then his hand reached up and tugged on her braid gently, touching it without thought, as if he didn't even realize he was doing it. He smiled at her as if it was something that he always did, not something that almost knocked her off her feet and Anne wanted to scream at him, to yell at him and demand that he never lay a finger on her again. But her heart began to sigh, taking notice of how tenderly he was stroking her braid, a kinder touch than when they first met. He let go off her braid and all she could do was stand there like an idiot.</p><p>"Maybe just my freckles then..." she practically squeaked.</p><p>Gilbert's voice turned even softer, his actions growing even bolder as a finger reached in front of her face. She couldn't find it within herself to stop him from tracing over the slopes of her cheeks, drawing a path down the length of her nose and down to her cupids bow. <em>"I like those too...",</em> he mumbled absentmindedly, his eyes trained on the gentle tracing of his finger. When his eyes met hers, he dropped his hand and tried not to laugh at her lost expression, "...besides, I have some freckles."</p><p>"I-I..." she stuttered, trying to plan her argument.</p><p>"Hmm?" he waited for her to disagree, that fond smile still on his lips.</p><p>
  <em>Damn it, Anne. Stop thinking about his lips. </em>
</p><p>She could have argued that he had less freckles than her, or that they complimented his olive skin tone better, or even that his did not follow a stubborn path down his arms and to his fingertips. But while being stuck in his honey gaze, she could barely even tell how many freckles were sprinkled across his cheekbones or if they truly looked better than her own. Her single explanation was blurted out on a whim, but it was entirely true. <em>"But...t-they're yours..."</em> He was raising his eyebrows as if waiting for her to continue, to develop her point thoroughly but this felt different than one of their silly class debates. In the end, his summer freckles and the permanent one just above his jaw line were on his face, a part of him. They added up to everything that made him<em> Gilbert</em>, and so she could never be anything other than fond of them.</p><p>To avoid his stare, she resumed their walk and sped up her pace. He was leisurely trailing several steps behind her, acting as if they had all of the time in the world. But that was just it, they would run out of time sooner or later.</p><p><em>"Why do you never talk about soulmates?"</em> her words were quiet, so quiet that he could barely make them out.</p><p>Gilbert gave her a weird look, "...you don't like talking about them."</p><p><em>"Neither do you..."</em> she argued, stopping to look at him for a few seconds and watching him clearly squirm, "...I've never heard you talk about it to any of the boys, or to Bash and you always change the subject at school if one of the girls brings it up. I don't even think you ever talked to your father about it. You've never shown your mark...I-I don't even know where you're mark is. You've never told me."</p><p>He shifted uncomfortably, "You never asked."</p><p>"But..." she blinked, frowning, "I-I don't under-"</p><p>Gilbert crossed his arms over his chest, "You're the one who keeps it covered, you've always been the least interested in soulmates!"</p><p><em>"That's different..."</em> she argued.</p><p>"<em>How</em> is it different?" he challenged, "...why do you suddenly care about them all of a sudden? You've always called it stupid."</p><p>"That's not true..." she whispered, looking down. "But you're <em>Gilbert Blythe</em>. Surely you must know that every girl in Avonlea wants to be your soulmate, surely they must have asked you about it a million times! What excuse did you give? H-Have you already found out who your soulmate is? Have you known all along?"</p><p>Gilbert's laugh was dry, "Anne...if I knew who my soulmate was, I'm pretty sure Mrs Lynde would have told all of Avonlea by now."</p><p>Anne frowned. "Do <em>you</em> think it's stupid?"</p><p>"No, not <em>stupid</em>..." he shook his head instantly, looking around desperately to gather his thoughts, "...I just...I guess I would rather focus on my studies for now. My future is important to me and of course I want to be happy and have a family one day, but...that's the future. It isn't a fairytale or something from a storybook, it's real life. And I think that everyone finding my mark and talking about soulmates, it makes it less private and feelings <em>should</em> be private. <em>It's not a game</em>. I...I would hope that my soulmate would understand that, and she would be happy to walk by my side as an equal for just a little while longer."</p><p>Anne felt lightheaded. <em>"An equal."</em></p><p>He found the strength to glance back at her, eyes twinkling. "Does that answer your question?"</p><p><em>"Yes"</em> she nodded once, the word full of possibilities. It sounded like chirping birds in the morning, or like the golden leaves crunching beneath her feet in autumn and it tasted like the first chocolate caramel she had ever stolen. It felt like a promise.</p><p>"Just one more question."</p><p>Gilbert laughed. "Of course there is."</p><p>"Did you not enjoy the dance practice?"</p><p>He froze. "W-Why would you say that?"</p><p>Anne watched him carefully as they resumed walking. "After we finished, you...I don't know...<em>you looked sad."</em></p><p>His face was still clear in her mind, sticking out in all of the puzzling thoughts that had kept her awake all night. She could remember how his eyebrows furrowed, turning downwards as if his entire face was caving in on itself. She could remember how he left her standing there, scurrying off as if he was desperate to get away, taking the alternate route home and leaving her feeling - no, not disappointed. Surprised. Taken aback. <em>Confused</em>. She had tried tracking back to the moment it all went wrong, thinking back through the layers of laughter and sunshine, trying to remember when he stopped laughing with her.</p><p>Beside her, Gilbert was panicking. He looked up at the sky, begging to be struck by lightning or for the ground to swallow him up, searching for any kind of escape route. But she had him trapped. His pupils were dilated, fists clenched and lips parted in distress, trying to work out what he was supposed to say. <em>How was he supposed to say it?</em> All he could remember was that her hands were soft, her fingertips stained pink from the strawberries she had eaten for lunch. One moment his mind was laughing at the idea of her forgetting to wash her hands in the stream, and the next he was imagining pressing his lips to each stained fingertip and letting himself taste the sweetness. He saw himself returning home after a long day of saving lives, kissing her lips and asking if she had eaten strawberries for lunch again, letting her feed him the tarts that she had made. He saw them walking hand in hand through their orchard, picking apples and reading underneath the trees for some shade in the blazing summer. He saw himself planting a large oak tree on the edge of their property so that she could climb up there, taking him back to the first moment that she called him a friend. He could see an entire future laid out in front of them, all because of her <em>stupid</em> strawberry stained fingers.  </p><p>But as the music stopped, it all came crashing down. He stopped thinking about the taste of strawberries and forced himself to remember - it was all just a daydream. A never-ending hole tore through his heart, emptying all of his foolish thoughts as he took one look at that <em>blasted</em> bandage around on her neck. <em>Was he sad?</em> His heart sinking in his chest as if she had wrapped an anchor around it, the bitter taste of reality in his mouth at the thought of her someday belonging to someone else, the tightness in his throat - was that him feeling <em>sad?</em> All it took was one look at her neck for him to realize that he had been imagining a future that could never happen. Their summer days would fade away like a distant memory, the past years of friendship merely forgotten as she stepped into her destined path - <em>he </em>would be forgotten. She had a soulmate waiting for her, ready to start a future that would be <em>theirs, not his.</em></p><p>"Gilbert?" she stepped closer, placing a gentle hand on his arm.</p><p>He flinched back, stumbling in the opposite direction as his gaze fell on the split path behind them. It was hardly an escape route, but it was all he had. <em>"I-I...it's been 100 steps."</em></p><p>She frowned, trying to keep her tone light, "B-But...you never stick to the 100 steps!"</p><p>"Bash needs my help with the apples, I-I just remembered. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"</p><p>"Oh...okay."</p><p>Gilbert walked away from her, holding onto his bag tightly and feeling like the world's biggest idiot. He couldn't face her. He couldn't stand in front of her when she was looking at him like that, he couldn't stand there and tell her how his every hope came crashing down in a single second. It might not have been the future that he was destined for, but it was the only future that he <em>wanted</em>. The entire universe felt <em>wrong</em> and he had no idea how to simply <em>describe that.</em></p><p>Ann bit her lip as she watched him go, her mind drifting back to the word he used - <em>equals.</em> He made it sound so easy, like it really was possible, that maybe not everybody would try to control her. It was something that she wanted to believe more than anything. She could remember that after receiving a glare the first time that he offered to walk her the entire way home, he never complained. He carried her school books without question sometimes, but it was only when she stopped to talk to the flowers, not because he wanted to prove what a gentleman he could be. It suddenly occurred to Anne that Gilbert never tried to force her into anything, always believing that she was capable of following through whichever rash idea came to her mind, trailing a step behind just in case it all fell apart. That night she glared at the moon, wishing that her life wasn't already planned out because to her, some things were more important than destiny. She felt tears slip down her cheeks miserably as she tried to sleep, realizing that underneath the anger - she was <em>terrified</em>. She had made the stupid mistake of dreaming of a future of her own, a future that she was suddenly so scared to live without. She sobbed into her pillow, terrified that her soulmate was not what she wanted, <em>that it wasn't-</em></p><p>She always felt like a bird soaring around the treetops when she was with him, like a kite dancing in the wind - <em>free</em>. It was a thought that scared her more than anything.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this one was so so fun to write, and I'll hopefully have the next two up really soon! I had the scene of them talking about soulmates written for such a long time, it was the first thing I wrote after planning this AU on a whim, but I'm really happy with how it turned out after some editing!</p><p>please leave a comment about your favorite part of this chapter , and more importantly - what you think will happen next! love you all :)</p><p>- jodie</p><p>p.s. stay safe and stay inside when you can!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. running away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter summary : anne talks to mary about her experience with soulmates, admitting why she keeps running away from her destiny - gilbert is TIRED and anne is IRRITABLE.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is the result of me staying up past midnight, trying to get this finished asap. I woke up with a painful lump on my eye from lack of sleep, so I hope you're all happy XD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The prettiest flowers were always the first to be picked.</p><p>Anne was never one to deny that she would look for the brightest blooms, her eyes searching for the vibrant colors and softest petals. It was only natural that one would want to keep its beauty. She waited for the first warm day in Winter, patches of the snow melting away until the fields had splashes of fresh grass. If she searched for long enough, a small patch of flowers would be left behind under the blanket of snow, buds that had held through the harsh winter, waiting for spring to finally come. Her eyes were drawn to the most divine shades of pink, purple, or sunshine yellow petals. It was a burst of color among the silent, powdery white fields. Maybe even a sprinkle of hope that one day, she would blossom.</p><p>It would be easy for someone to fall in love with her, once she had bloomed and grown more beautiful. They would coat her in sunshine and watch her twist upwards towards the sky, taller and stronger than they could have ever imagined. They would see her as a beautiful flower. But once Autumn came and blew away her pretty petals, would they stay? After revealing her roots, would they tend to another garden or crush her stem? She longed for someone that would dig underneath the soil, look deep underneath the ground and water the withering ends that had been forgotten. Someone that wouldn't give up on her, wouldn't plough through the garden and plant new flowers, looking for something close to perfection. Maybe they could even learn to love her roots, to see the beauty beneath the layer of dirt. They wouldn't pick her petals or keep her in a vase, they would let her stay in the earth and keep growing into something more beautiful - <em>all on her own.</em></p><p>She could only hope with her entire heart, putting her faith in the power of the sun and the moon.</p><p>"Mary?"</p><p>"Yes, trouble?" the woman looked up at her with kind eyes, cheeks dusted with the flour that they were using to bake with.</p><p>Anne put her dough aside for a moment and focused intently on the small golden wedding band on her left ring finger. She sniffed and wiped the flour from her own cheek, sneezing quietly before collecting her thoughts.</p><p>"You and Bash are soulmates."</p><p>Mary's smile softened. "I thought you already knew that."</p><p>"No...of course, of course I did", Anne caught herself quickly, "I just...you're so happy together. Your love is inexplicable and I-"</p><p>Mary hummed, waiting for her to continue.</p><p>Her eyes drooped to the floor. "Well, I'm just not used to seeing soulmates work out so perfectly. The family that I worked for...it was just...all <em>wrong</em> and I-I would never want a marriage like that."</p><p>Mary smiled at the redhead sheepishly, a sympathetic glint in her eyes, "I can't lie to you, Anne. I won't tell you that every marriage is like ours, that soulmates always work out as they should. There are many that take advantage of their soulmate, believing that they have a claim over them because of the marks and it is easy for women to be manipulated. There is a lot<em> wrong</em> with the idea of soulmates."</p><p>A heavy feeling set into her heart, "Sometimes I wish they didn't exist, that we could just choose what we want in our future."</p><p>"You <em>can."</em></p><p>She made it sound so <em>simple</em> and Anne so desperately wished it was. But there was a cold hard truth waiting at the end of her road, the reality that after so many years of trying to build herself up, she could be broken down just as easily. She had seen it played like a game, men taking control of their soulmates like puppets on strings, shaping and molding them like clay into exactly what they wanted. There was no checkmate, no rules and nothing that could save them from falling into the trap. But love wasn't supposed to be a <em>game</em>. It was supposed to be something beautiful, something that you could only dream of, something inexplicable. She could remember the first time that she discovered her soulmate mark, how <em>special</em> she felt. Anne prayed up to the moon, thanking it for granting her the biggest wish that she dared to hope for, that perhaps, someday - <em>she would be loved</em>. But all it took was years of orphan service, cruel myths and stories, for the flame of hope inside her heart to turn to smoke.</p><p>"No, I can't."</p><p>"Anne, I've known you for a couple of years now and from the first day that I met you, I've known how strong you are. You are hard-headed and independent and I know that you would never let anyone push you around."</p><p>She placed her hands on the table in front of her, leaning her weight onto it, elbows straining, "I worked for a family for many years. <em>Mr and Mrs Hammond</em>, they uh...they had many children. I-I was sent to look after them and to make sure that all of the chores got done...and at first, Mrs Hammond was kind to me. She was the first to brush my hair and put it into braids...she always gave me the biggest glass of milk and she promised me that I wouldn't go back to the orphanage. B-But Mr Hammond wasn't so kind. I-I still remember the first time that he whipped me-"</p><p>"Anne, I-"</p><p>Her hands were trembling but she kept her voice firm, "I thought it would hurt more, you know? I thought it would just happen once and then they would leave me alone, but...they found any excuse. After a while, Mr Hammond started inviting other women to the house while Mrs Hammond was running errands. I wasn't sure that she knew but the next time she brushed my hair...she almost pulled it from the scalp. It made her cruel. She w-would tell her husband when I had made a mistake, maybe hoping that he would pay more attention to her...and when he started whipping me, she just stood and watched. He forced her to stay in more, cooking and cleaning while I did the farm chores. I-It sounds silly, but every single time I looked into her eyes - I could see that he had taken something from her."</p><p>"I'm-"</p><p>This time, she couldn't stop her voice from breaking. "<em>They w-were soulmates</em>. They were supposed to be <em>in love</em>...and all they did w-was beat a child and n-neglect the ones that they did have. Maybe that's why I fuss over Delly so much, making sure that she has all of the attention that she needs, but I-I just can't bear the thought of someone going through that, that they did that to innocent-"</p><p><em>"They did it to you." </em>Mary whispered knowingly.</p><p>Anne sniffed, absentmindedly placing her hand over the bandage on her neck, "Once they took me back to the orphanage, I covered this and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't give in to my destiny."</p><p>"I'm going to tell you something, trouble. I need you to listen and most importantly, <em>I need you to believe me</em>...", she met Mary's determined gaze, welcoming the kind hand placed over her own, "...There is a lot <em>wrong</em> with the idea of soulmates, that's true. But...it can be such a <em>beautiful</em> thing if you let it. You can't go your entire life being afraid of having someone out there, someone that is going to love you for exactly who you are."</p><p>Anne looked down.</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>She wrung her hands nervously, "I don't want to be a wife."</p><p>Mary spoke gently. "You don't have to be."</p><p><em>"No!</em> I mean...I want to be, I want to get married and have all of these wonderful things that I have read about in fairy tales but...I can't pretend that fairy tales are always real. So many marriages are filled with such darkness...like someone sucking the life out of you but I would want my soulmate to light me up like the sun, brighter and brighter each day. We would be <em>equals</em>, standing beside each other as a pair, both having our own dreams and opinions. Of course I would want to be desperately in love with them, but I..."</p><p>Mary waited patiently.</p><p>She turned to the light of the sun streaming through the kitchen window, taking a deep breath. But that's when she saw it - she saw <em>him</em>. He was in the field with Bash, wearing his <em>stupid</em> <em>hat</em>, fixing a broken fence panel. The pair were arguing and after a moment, he crashed down to the ground and started laughing. She could hear his laughter through the window, a laugh that he saved for special occasions - the same laugh he always had when he was with her. He got back up onto his feet and dusted himself off, lifting up a hand to shield his face from the sun's rays. She wondered if he was closing his eyes, breathing in the summer air and sending a wish up the beams of sunlight, to the universe's brightest star. She wondered if he dared to wish for the same future.</p><p>"<em>I would want us both to be free."</em></p><p>Mary followed her eyes out of the window, smiling knowingly as she placed a hand on her shoulder, "...I'm sure if the universe has done its job right, they will be wishing for the same thing."</p><p>She kept watching him, keeping her hand over the spot where the oak tree waited, inked into her milky skin.</p><p>Mary smiled at the boy's antics in the field, keeping her fingers crossed behind her back, "And once you're ready to take off that bandage and let the universe take control...I just know it will have such <em>beautiful</em> things in store for you."</p><p>Anne bit her lip thoughtfully.</p><p>"Come on", she nudged her shoulder gently, "...these scones won't make themselves."</p><p>...</p><p>"Anne?"</p><p>"Yes?" she replied glumly, not looking up from the daisy chain that she had been making.</p><p>Diana sat down beside her. "Do you want to borrow a dress for the county fair tomorrow? It will be our last occasion before we start wearing our hair up and having skirts down to our ankles! I know Miss Cuthbert is still making your dress for Queens and I-"</p><p>"There's no point" she shrugged, "...you'll look divine and I'll look like I always do."</p><p>Diana frowned, "What do you mean?"</p><p>She huffed, tugging on the daisy chain a little too tightly, one of the stems snapping, "It doesn't matter anyway. You could lend me the most wonderful dress with ever so many flounces and big puff sleeves...and I would still look plain. It would never look as beautiful as it does on you, <em>you're</em> what makes it beautiful. I don't think I'll stay at the fair past the cake competition anyway, there's no reason to."</p><p>"He still hasn't asked you?"</p><p>
  <em>"What?"</em>
</p><p>Her bosom friend's gaze softened slightly, her hand coming to rest on Anne's shoulder. "We both know that is why you're in the depths of despair. I...I'm sure he will ask you soon, he hasn't asked anyone else and it's not like he would ever ask anyone that wasn't-"</p><p>"I'm not in the depths of despair..." Anne mumbled stubbornly, not meeting her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>"Anne."</em>
</p><p>She dropped the daisy chain to the ground. "I didn't expect him to ask me...it's just, <em>why wouldn't he</em>? I thought that maybe..." she paused, shaking her head before finally looking at Diana, "...we are friends, aren't we? We spend a lot of time together studying and helping with Delly and I just thought that-"</p><p>"It's not too late " Diana squeezed her arm gently.</p><p>Her eyes lifted up to the clouds, clung together tightly, not letting a single beam of sunlight through. It had been a dreary day from the minute she woke up, her eyes adjusting to the gray-darkness of the room and wondering if she had slept right through the morning. But when she looked out of the window, there was an overcast layer hiding the sun, the humid air making her clothing feel sticky. She supposed the sky was merely reflecting her sour mood. She had been walking around like a ghost, feeling no more important than autumn leaves hidden beneath the cold winter frost, left to be stepped on. The daisy chain had been a means of distraction, but it was doing nothing to fill the emptiness inside of her chest. It lay by her feet, <em>forgotten.</em></p><p>"It's not like I <em>wanted</em> him to ask me..." she protested, "I-I...it just-"</p><p>"...would have been nice?" Diana guessed.</p><p><em>"...would have been nice" </em>Anne repeated wistfully.</p><p>Her bosom friend kept a comforting touch on her shoulder, eyes trailing over to the dark-haired boy across the schoolyard. His head was buried in a book, sitting underneath a tree - her oak tree - perhaps hoping that she would invite him up there once more.</p><p>"You could always ask him" she suggested.</p><p>Anne's head snapped up, eyes wide with panic. <em>"What?"</em></p><p>"Oh, come on! You have such a brave heart, Anne. If you want to go to the fair with him or simply ask for a dance - just <em>ask</em>. You always take matters into your own hands, you're braver than I could ever be. I have no doubt that he would say yes, he might be waiting for you to ask him yourself-"</p><p><em>"This is different!"</em> the panic in her eyes turned to fear, crushing fear, "...I-I can't ask him, Diana! It took us so long to be friends, to get to where we are and if I say the wrong t-thing...<em>it would ruin everything."</em></p><p>"It's a risk-"</p><p><em>"It's too big of a risk</em>" Anne shook her head firmly, picking her daisy chain back up and turning her mind off.</p><p>As if the universe was taunting her, the person that had been on her mind all day was stood outside, waiting to walk her home. She opened her mouth to bitterly decline his offer, but quickly remembered that she had promised Bash and Mary that they would take care of Delly while they visited her friends in The Bog. Her fists clenched and she felt like crying. The walk was tense, she could tell that Gilbert could feel the change in the air but he kept on asking her homework questions and let himself pretend that it was just his imagination. She mainly replied in one word answers, closed answers that would shut off the rest of the conversation. But he always found a new topic and it made her grit her teeth until they finally reached the front door. Anne made quick work of grabbing Delly and waving goodbye to Bash and Mary, preparing milk on the stove to distract herself. Gilbert hovered around, running out of small talk.</p><p>"We, uh...we have a running bet, over what Delly's first word will be. Do you have any guesses?"</p><p>She couldn't stop the tender smile that came onto her face, looking over at the angel in his arms. "What was your guess?"</p><p>He chuckled, "I'm hoping for Gilbert...or at least <em>Gilby</em>. That's what she thinks my name is anyway. Bash is convinced it will be <em>daddy</em>, of course. Mary's more convinced it will be <em>idiot</em> because that's what she calls Bash nearly every day."</p><p>Anne giggled quietly, "I'm with Mary on that one."</p><p>As she left the steaming milk to cool down to the correct temperature, she crossed the room to help Gilbert with rocking the precious baby. He was smiling gently down at her and it became increasingly difficult to be angry at him, not when he was so<em> good</em>. He started to tickle her and Delly squealed, squirming in his arms until he curled his thumb and forefinger around her tiny button nose. "Did you see that, Delly? Uncle Gilby's got your little nose!"</p><p>Anne laughed, stepping closer to watch as the baby's eyes lit up with amazement. She gasped as she felt the same touch on her own freckled nose, his fingers tugging gently and then pulling back to stick out the tip of his thumb to Delly. His eyes were exaggerated, wide with glee as he waved his thumb in front of her face, <em>"Oops! </em>I got Aunt Anne's nose too!"</p><p>After a moment he put his fingers back around her nose, grinning as she wrinkled it in protest. He tapped the tip once he had finished, turning back to his niece, <em>"All better!"</em></p><p>"Come on..." she rolled her eyes, "...her milk should be ready."</p><p>They made a good team, feeding Delly without her fussing too much, wiping the dribbles away from her tiny chin and making sure that none dripped down onto her blanket. While Gilbert cleaned up the kitchen, Anne carried the baby into the other room and to help her sleep, starting singing to her softly. She tried to keep her voice quiet but soon he returned, leaning against the door frame and watching her with a small smile. It sent her off to sleep soon enough and Gilbert leaned over the crib to leave a gentle kiss on her forehead, whispering goodnight. Anne did the same and together they shut the door, letting out sighs of relief. An insistent thought kept pushing through her mind but she dismissed it quickly each time it arrived, telling her foolish heart to stay quiet instead of wishing for things that would never be true. But she felt it deep down in her bones, how <em>easy</em> it felt with him, how he had always been her family.</p><p>She turned away to put her jacket on, leaving Gilbert to pack her schoolbooks into her bag. The words had been on the tip of her tongue all evening, for the past week - just sitting there waiting for the moment she would be brave enough. Maybe she wasn't brave after all. She had spent years letting her imagination carry itself away, thinking it was harmless, not realizing that her dreams would sink deep into her heart and stay there. Every time he smiled at her or looked at her in that way, a bubble of hope rose in her chest and she thought, <em>yes - this is it! </em>She pleaded for him to say the words, but he never did. Her patience was hanging by a thin thread and she wasn't sure how long she had before it snapped.</p><p>"Have you got everything?" he asked, his tone so carefree and nonchalant that the thread snapped.</p><p>She faced him sharply. <em>"Why haven't you asked me to the fair?"</em></p><p>He recoiled back, <em>"What?"</em></p><p>Gilbert had been on the receiving end of her anger for many years, her rage boiling over like a kettle that had been left for too long. But nothing could have prepared him for the cold tone in her voice. He had seen her anger explode into fireworks, fiery sparks hitting his skin and sending him flinching away. But this was different, it was bitter and hopeless and he had no idea how to fix it. </p><p>"I-I just...we're friends..." she spoke slowly through gritted teeth, "...we danced together at practice and everyone-", she stopped herself, shaking her head quickly, <em>"...I...I-I was just being stupid, after all."</em></p><p> His voice didn't even sound like his own, "You wanted me to ask you?"</p><p>"You don't have to rub it in, you know!" she snapped in reply, eyes full of that familiar fire, "...I-I didn't <em>want</em> you to ask me...I just, I mean...<em>why wouldn't you?</em> I guess I was just <em>expecting</em> it and now I know that I was right all along, I was right to think asking you would just be a big mistake-"</p><p>He spoke so quietly, carefully, <em>"I didn't think you would want me to ask you."</em></p><p>The words filled her with hurt, "Y-You...how could you think that I wouldn't want you to ask me? Did I ever tell you that I didn't want you to ask? <em>After everything</em> you-"</p><p>"You never even let me walk you all the way home!" he argued.</p><p>Her face felt hot, "...I-I let you walk me <em>partway."</em></p><p>"Anne-"</p><p>"So that's it?" she asked, her voice shaking without permission, "...a-all this time, I-I was just <em>imagining</em> it?"</p><p>Gilbert's face fell, "Imagining what?"</p><p>"Are you doing this on purpose?" she cried out, tears filling her eyes, "...are you trying to upset me? D-Do you really think I'm that easy to manipulate or w-were you just bored? The braid tugging, when you held my hand, when we danced...w-when you walked me home-"</p><p>"I-I-"</p><p>"You were just playing a game!" she accused.</p><p><em>"That's not fair!"</em> his own cheeks started to redden, fists clenching around her bag that was still in his hands, "...y-you can't say that to me, not after everything you've done. How long did it take for you to let me sit up in that tree with you? How long did it take for you to call me your friend? I-I've been here all along, waiting for you to say something, for some kind of sign and you think that <em>I'm </em>playing a game? Y-You walked home with Charlie Sloane, how am I supposed to know that you wanted me to ask you to the fair and not him-"</p><p>She scoffed, "He only offered to walk me home because you weren't there! <em>You were too busy running away!"</em></p><p>"I was <em>not</em> running away-"</p><p>"Well then, you were definitely in a <em>hurry</em>-"</p><p>Gilbert shook his head, glaring right back at her, "<em>You're one to talk!</em> You've ran away from everything since I met you, you only let me walk you to your doorstep when it's too dark...and you can't tell me that I was running away when you run away from everything. That's what you're doing by keeping your <em>stupid</em> mark covered - <em>you're running away!"</em></p><p>"You have <em>no</em> right-"</p><p><em>"Why do you keep it covered, Anne?"</em> he taunted, stepping closer only for her to take another step back, "...why have you always been so scared to let anyone see it? What's <em>the real reason </em>that you never asked about my mark?"</p><p>She felt her voice crack, "S-Stop it-"</p><p><em>"You're the one that's afraid</em>..." he spoke quietly, reaching a hand up to stroke over the edge of the bandage, "...you're afraid of what would happen if you take off that bandage and see that it's the same as-"</p><p>"You're being cruel..." she whispered, a traitorous tear slipping down her cheek.</p><p><em>"Am I?"</em> his voice was filled with so much hurt, his eyes squeezing shut, "...<em>because I'm tired, Anne.</em> I'm really <em>damn</em> tired of this...whatever the hell this <em>is</em>, or whatever it <em>isn't."</em></p><p>It was a <em>tiredness </em>that ran deep within his bones, a tiredness that didn't seem to be going away. When she tumbled into his universe, he was left feeling so <em>alive</em> - like he could <em>do</em> anything or <em>be </em>anything. His entire heart came to life when she was around, fluttering insistently in his chest as a constant reminder of the feelings that would not disappear, feelings that kept him awake at night wondering if the moon had granted his biggest wish. But over time, after endless arguments and words that left him confused, left him wondering, searching blindly for some sort of reason, some kind of explanation of what was between them - he was <em>tired</em>. He was tired of never knowing where things would go, whether she sat up in the oak tree for the view, or if she whispered to the sun about being afraid of falling in love. He was tired of everything that she never told him, of being left to guess without any clues. He was simply <em>tired</em>, and for the first time - he was aware of how much it had been <em>draining him.</em></p><p>His final whisper was the lowest blow, <em>"How am I supposed to fight for this...if you're always going to be too afraid to even try?"</em></p><p>With a final sob, she ripped her bag out of his hands and slammed the door shut behind her - running away like she always did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>phew - I got to admit, arguments are always my favorite scenes to write (you can probably tell by how most of my fics have at least one before I give you a happy ending)</p><p>yes, if it wasn't clear before - our angel mary is alive in this and I have no regrets. </p><p>the ending will be up in the next couple of days and it's the part I am most excited to write - by far. hang in there!!! and thank you all so so much for the love on this story so far, I've been waking up and smiling like a chesire cat as I read all of your lovely words!</p><p>- jodie</p><p>p.s. leave a comment and I'll be your best friend</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. rewrite the stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter summary : anne and gilbert finally stop thwarting destiny and see what the universe had in store for them all along</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>basically 5000 words of you holding your breath - you're welcome</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When writing stories, Anne feared that she would never run out of words.</p><p>In fact, her mind would often be in such a hurry to get them down on paper and soon her handwriting would turn into an unrecognizable mess. On far too many occasions she had gone as far as knocking the ink bottle over, thick black liquid splattering over her ideas. <em>Oh</em>, but the ideas were endless. For her mind was a <em>living, breathing thing</em> : humming, buzzing, constantly swooping, diving, running on and on and on. It was limitless and refused to be tamed. But sometimes it longed to <em>belong</em> to something, to <em>someone</em>. But whenever she tried to write her own happily ever after, there was something holding her back. The narrative didn't fit, the characters seemed false - artificial. No matter how she tried to move things around, something would block her mind and it wouldn't budge. She was too brash and bold to be a princess, too unsure of herself to be the narrator and it made her wonder why it was so hard for her to find a place in her own story.</p><p>Gilbert would always be the <em>hero</em> of the story. With kind eyes, dark curls, strong hands that longed to fix everything in his path - <em>he was so writable</em>. The sunlight bursts through his every pore, blinding others with his iridescent light and to Anne, he looked like the kind of person who would always win in the end. But it was only a matter of time until he realized that she was nothing more than the <em>villain</em>. </p><p>It was then, that her words fell short. </p><p>The night seemed to drag on and Anne couldn't sleep. The wind was howling, insistently rattling against her window and she wondered if it was crying too. The tears rolled down her cheeks like the dark clouds closing in on the moon that was once her friend, a source of light that she could no longer bear to look at.</p><p>"Anne?"</p><p>Her words were muffled into the pillow, "I'm resting."</p><p>Marilla frowned, pushing the door open a crack to see messy clusters of red hair spread across the pillows. Anne wouldn't even lift her head as she entered the room, her shoulders tense and faced buried into the sheets. Her hands tried to reach for her forehead, <em>"Are you ill?"</em></p><p>She sniffed, "I don't want to go."</p><p>"What do you mean you don't want to go? You've been looking forward to this fair for weeks, you borrowed Diana's dress and baked that cake with Mary for the competition...", Marilla placed a hand on the middle of her back, trying to feel if she had a fever, "...you don't feel very hot, shall I fetch a doctor? Or ask Gilbert to check on-"</p><p><em>"N-No!"</em> Anne choked out harshly.</p><p>A deep sigh was heard but she couldn't look up, the idea of facing the day was distressing and even the sunlight hitting her back felt like poison. The fair was looming over her like a storm cloud, a disaster waiting to happen and she wanted nothing more than to hide under the sheets. How could she put on a divine dress with lace and embroidered flowers when she felt like crumbling to the ground? How could she keep a smile on her face, false or otherwise, when the world felt like such a stranger?</p><p>Marilla's words splashed on her skin like boiling hot water, "...you were very quiet when you came home last night."</p><p>She merely sniffed into the pillow.</p><p>"Anne...is there anything going on between you and Gilbert?"</p><p>The air felt too tight, too uncomfortable, and she was left squirming within her own skin as she lifted her head. <em>"No!",</em> with every word it felt like a copper wire was tightening around her throat, <em>"...why does everything have to be about Gilbert Blythe? </em>I'm sick of hearing his name - the world doesn't solely revolve around <em>h-him!"</em></p><p>Her eyes softened at the tears streaking down Anne's cheeks, "You know, Anne...when I first met you, you started rambling on about how much you wanted a new dress and to attend a ball...and after Miss Josephine's party you kept wishing for another like it. I think the barn dance might be the closest thing you'll get to something like that until you're at Queens. Whatever has made you so upset, I don't want it to ruin something that you've always dreamed of."</p><p>A bitter voice replied, <em>"Dreams are s-stupid."</em></p><p>"What has you saying such a thing?"</p><p>She couldn't find it within herself to reply.</p><p>Marilla's eyes fell down to the bandage wrapped around her neck, a bandage that had been hiding her fate from the very first day, "...Do you remember what you told me when I first asked about your mark?"</p><p>Anne's eyes squeezed shut, head falling back down to the pillow.</p><p>"You told me that you were going to thwart destiny for as long as you could, but<em> I wonder if</em>...maybe there's a difference between wanting freedom and running away from love."</p><p>Gilbert's hurt expression wouldn't leave her mind.</p><p>"Now, I know better than anyone about changing destiny and turning away from what was right in front of me...and after watching you with him for all these years, I couldn't bear it if you made the same mistake I did."</p><p>Her voice was weak, "I-It's scary."</p><p><em>"It's terrifying",</em> Marilla agreed with a firm nod of her head, rubbing her back gently as her eyes fell onto the bandage, "...but it's not something that you can spend your entire life wondering about. I know it can make you feel trapped, having something decided for you without any control. But maybe the reason you're so scared to take that bandage off...is because you already know what you want your future to look like."</p><p>
  <em>She was right. </em>
</p><p>She was <em>so</em> right that Anne could barely feel her arms coming around her as she started sobbing.</p><p>It was difficult to breathe when every cry felt like a silent scream, like the twinge of panic right before drowning. For too long she had let herself dream, whispering her biggest secret to the moon - that <em>she loved him.</em> There were so many things in the world that she was uncertain of, but one thing that would always be certain was that she loved him and maybe she had from the very start. It was the same moon that she now longed to tear out of the starry sky, for she knew that it didn't matter if she loved him - how could it matter if the universe would soon pull them apart? Her vivid imagination had conjured up a cabin in the woods filled with flowers, surrounded by the curiosity of nature and the sweet smell of fresh baking. She could see them walking hand in hand, chasing through the trees, jumping over summer streams - just existing in the same moment. And the worst part of all, was that she <em>believed</em> in it. But in the quiet moments before she fell asleep, all of the pieces start to unravel. In those moments she saw Gilbert with another, a blonde-haired beauty that he could laugh with, maybe even move away and start a life together where worst of all - he would be <em>happy</em>. He would be happy and she would be trapped in their summer days, on the outside - <em>watching his perfect future</em>. Sooner or later, Anne had to come to the realization that there was a chance, a rather large chance that the universe had got it wrong. All of her life she had believed in the stars, prayed to the most tragical soulmates, putting all of her faith in them. But how could she believe in them if they refused to give her the only future that she could ever want?</p><p>It made her want to rip the sky apart.</p><p>...</p><p>As she looked out at the stars, it felt like the magic surrounding the night had disappeared. The chatter of the dance sounded far away, everything drifting away until it was no more than a speck in the distance. The sky was filled with its usual inky-blackness and the constellations were soon swallowed up by the black hole that she carried within her heart. Anne had stepped outside with the intention of breathing in the fresh air, but before she knew it - she was tilting her head upwards and begging with whatever fight she had left in her. <em>Please,</em> she whispered, <em>I don't want anything else, I just want him. </em>The moon once sent her to sleep with a calming lullaby, but that night it felt ominous and the air no longer sparkled. It felt like the end of something and she wondered if somewhere along the line, the universe had stopped believing in her dreams.</p><p>She could feel the disturbance in the air before he came to stand beside her. It felt electrified, as if someone had flipped a switch and forced all of her senses to come to life. His shoulders sank with relief when she didn't immediately run back inside, if only he knew that it was taking every ounce of strength that she had to stay right there. She had spent the entire day avoiding him and turning in the opposite direction, but there was no use in making excuses anymore. They sat in silence for a while and the moon twinkled back at them, as if reminding them that they had something to believe in, even if nobody else did.</p><p>"I'm sorry for not asking you to the fair."</p><p>His voice was timid, afraid that she would run if he offered more than a simple apology. Maybe he really did expect her to retreat like she always did, disappearing inside before he could get any other words out. But he looked so earnest, so true and she knew that something was on the line for him. It made her realize that she had always been good at running away when she was afraid, but she never once stopped to wonder if underneath it all - he just wanted her to <em>stay</em>.</p><p>"I'm sorry for running away" she whispered.</p><p>He turned to her, hands in pockets, smile sheepish, "I really thought you would refuse. I thought that if I asked you...you would just run away again, like-"</p><p>
  <em>"...like I always do."</em>
</p><p>Gilbert winced, "I-I really did want to ask you."</p><p>"I really wanted you to ask me..." Anne sent him a wry expression, the corner of her lips turning upwards, "...so I guess we were both lying."</p><p>"Maybe we should just try to be honest from now on."</p><p>"Yeah, maybe we should."</p><p>
  <em>"I really want to dance with you."</em>
</p><p>The words practically fell from his lips, rushed out in a breath and after a moment his shoulders tensed, as if he wasn't expecting to be so honest with himself. He made it seem so easy, just to lay his cards on the table and wait for an answer and she desperately wished that she could do the same. But she stood there like an idiot, mouth open as she stared at him. She waited for him to be discouraged, maybe even to back away inside but if anything, he only stepped closer.</p><p>His hand found hers in the glow of the moonlight and he swallowed heavily, <em>"C-Can I?"</em></p><p>"I-I..."" she hesitated, "...I'm not sure if that's a good idea."</p><p>But Gilbert was desperate, willing to jump into what could possibly be their last chance if she was willing to take the leap with him. He knew it might have been too much, too fast, too forward - but he just couldn't keep pretending anymore. He looked up to the diamond sky above them, a soft smile coming onto his face as his thumb ran over her knuckles, "...the moon and the stars would be the only witnesses. I'm sure they could keep it a secret for us."</p><p>Anne's eyes filled with tears as she looked up at them, smiling shakily as she remembered all of the lonely nights that she had depended on them to keep the contents of her heart safe. She had confided in them, whispering how different he was than anyone she had ever met and not because he was kind, or smart, and not even because he was the better half of her. It was because of the way he made her feel. When the world was asleep she would stay up, imploring, pleading, <em>begging</em> that it wasn't all in her head, that she hadn't been imagining the way that he looked at her and that although she couldn't see their future, she knew it was there. The moon and stars had twinkled back at her knowingly, implying things that she could only dream of and while she never wanted to get her hopes up - some part of her couldn't help it, just <em>hoping</em> that they were right. Watching down on her from the sky, they were something that she had always believed in, and the words came out weakly, <em>"...I think they're good at keeping secrets."</em></p><p>With her words, he pulled her closer and let one of his hands clasp her own firmly, the other settling on her waist. She was close enough to count his dark eyelashes and although she promised herself that she wouldn't notice anything about him, she couldn't stop. He had always been close to her, so close that over the years, he had begun to feel like<em> home</em>.</p><p>He was the first person to believe in her. He knew that she had a mind of her own, and he liked it. She had danced around him for years with her quirks, her eccentric ideas and troublesome adventures, sticking out like a sore thumb. But to him, she was a sunflower among a field of daises. From the moment he spoke to her, watching her up in the tree as if she was some earthly creature that he had conjured up from his imagination, he <em>stayed.</em> When she beat him in class and teased him about needing to be tutored, he grinned proudly. Through the disagreements, stubbornness, awkwardness and uncertainty - <em>he had stayed.</em> At first she blamed her attachment on him sticking around, thinking that she had just gotten used to having him there. But she had been lying to herself. She <em>wanted</em> him, more than she had ever wanted anything.</p><p>Her biggest threat. Her acquaintance. Her dance partner. Someone that looked at her with wonder. Someone that always walked her partway home. A huge distraction.</p><p>
  <em>Her best friend. </em>
</p><p>Anne let her head fall onto his chest, hugging him closer and breathing him in deeply. Gilbert moved so that both arms were wrapped around her waist, pulling her in until there wasn't any space between them. They were hardly dancing or even swaying, but neither of them could bear to part. For the universe did not always grant wishes and they both knew that there was a chance that tonight was the end, that after so many years of waiting for a sign, it was time for their story to come to a close. If tonight was all they had, Anne wanted to let herself fall one last time.</p><p>"Anne..." he sighed, resting his chin on top of her head.</p><p>She lifted her face up and when she did, their noses brushed. They both held their breath, staying deathly still as if waiting for a lightning bolt to ripple through the sky and strike them down on the spot. It felt like they were breaking some kind of rule (aside from propriety) and Anne was waiting for the universe to punish them. They were teetering on the edge of something dangerous, a slippery slope that would send them tumbling down if they were not careful. Gilbert's shoulders slumped and his breath fanned across her lips, he wished for a sign, for anything to convince him to take the next step but he was left with nothing. His eyes fluttered open and met her own, wanting to jump straight into the unknown.</p><p><em>"Anne..."</em> it sounded different this time, a plea.</p><p>She shook her head. "Don't say it."</p><p>"Anne-"</p><p>The brutal force of reality washed over them and she hated how it tore apart the world they had created. "Gilbert...please don't-"</p><p>His voice remained firm, "Anne, y-you can't keep doing this. We can't keep stalling and making excuses, we can't keep <em>running away</em> when we always find ourselves back in the exact same position."</p><p>"I-I don't want-"</p><p><em>"What about what I want?"</em> he objected weakly, "...<em>doesn't that matter?</em> I-I can't keep wondering if things would have been different, if I wasn't honest with myself, if I never s-said anything. I-I can't spend my life wondering if I'm doing the right thing by letting you slip away...not if <em>you're </em>meant to be my life."</p><p>She let out a shaky breath, looking down at their feet.</p><p>"...a-and I don't know if it's written in the stars for us..." he admitted, holding onto her for dear life, "...but to me - <em>that's what it feels like."</em></p><p>"W-We can't-"</p><p>He was practically whimpering by now, resting his forehead against hers, "A-Anne...<em>please</em>, I have to know."</p><p>
  <em>"I-I'm scared."</em>
</p><p>Gilbert swallowed thickly, "Me too."</p><p><em>"No, you don't understand!"</em> she argued miserably, a tear slipping down her cheek and landing on the dirt beneath their feet, where their future would soon lay, "...I'm terrified, Gilbert...but you were wrong. I'm not scared of being with you, of our marks being identical. I'm scared that you'll look beneath that bandage a-and we'll find out that this was all in our heads. I-I'm terrified that you're <em>not </em>my future."</p><p>His face fell, "You-"</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut, voice breaking, "W-What if...<em>what if it's not-"</em></p><p><em>"Anne..."</em> his hands rose up to cup her cheeks, drawing her eyes to his. They were both filled with tears, mourning a future that could slip down the drain as soon as her bandage fell to the floor. But his voice was so sure, so certain as he promised his next words, "...ever since the moment you let me up in your tree, <em>I've been yours</em>. Ever since you spelled kaleidoscope wrong, ever since you only let me walk you home 100 steps, ever since we danced, ever since I've known you. I-I barely thought about my mark since my Dad died but after that I couldn't stop wishing for a future with you, hoping that what I feel in my heart is true. <em>I'll always be yours</em>. No matter what happens, no matter where I go - and I-I know I'll never want a future that isn't <em>you</em>. Whatever happens, we will figure out...and I promise, I can promise that no matter what is underneath that bandage,<em> I could never stop loving you."</em></p><p>Her face fell back to his chest, tears masked behind the soft curtain of her red hair. "Gil-"</p><p>A soft hand brushed against her shoulder and found its way to the spot on her neck that was covered with a white bandage. The strip was wound tightly around her slope, the edge of it just grazing her collarbone. His fingers clung onto the edge, ready to untie it and she whimpered into his shirt, barely able to speak or move.</p><p><em>"...please",</em> he mumbled one last time into her hair.</p><p>The galaxies paused, stars holding their breath as the world stopped still for just a singular moment. It was uncertain whether it was rooting for them or not, but they both felt the shift, knowing that nothing would ever be the same again. Anne nodded feebly against his shoulder, tilting her head to the side slightly so that he could look down at the destiny that would soon decide everything. As he gently moved the bandage to one side and peeled it off her neck, it felt like saying goodbye to everything that they once had. Goodbye to the spelling competitions, to talking up in the oak tree, to walking part-way home and making him flower crowns, to exchanging fond smiles across the classrooms, to seeing a glimpse of the life they both wanted when taking care of Delly. Their past was slipping out from under their feet and she wasn't sure how long they had until they hit the rough ground below.</p><p>Gilbert's hands were shaking as he removed the bandage, trembling against her skin and making her feel steadier somehow. She held her breath, keeping her eyes on the stars peeking out from the trees beside them, waiting for everything to come crumbling down. But after removing the bandage, he was still there - silent and motionless. Her eyes darted to the side and his eyes were on her mark, an unreadable expression on his face as his thumb tenderly stroked over the tree inked into her skin. She longed for him to meet her eyes, to say something - <em>anything</em>.</p><p>Her voice cracked with terror, "G-Gil-"</p><p>The moment she turned her head, his lips were on hers. They were sharing the exact same breath and just like that - pixie dust was thrown into the air. It sparkled brighter than any confetti or glitter, heading towards the stars instead of being pulled down by gravity. His hands were cradling her face but then they moved down, encouraging her own arms to lift up until her fingers were splayed across his jaw. She had never expected a kiss to feel like falling, but there she was - falling down a long rabbit hole that she didn't ever want to find her way out of. She was falling into the unknown but it almost felt like they were finding their way <em>home</em>. The glimmering lights rose up to the clouds and Anne wished that they could be carried up with them, headed for a future that they would design. A future that belonged to them. In that moment, she knew that no matter where they ended up, whichever paths they took or turns they passed, they could find their own kind of light. One of Gilbert's arms left her waist and stroked circles over the mark on her neck, a mark that suddenly didn't seem so scary anymore. The universe continued spinning around them and they were coated in the magic that they created.</p><p>A thought suddenly popped into her head and she found herself mumbling protests against his lips, dragging his mouth away from hers, <em>"...let m-me see yours. I-I need to-"</em></p><p>He seemed to understand her jumbled plea, tugging on the fabric of his white shirt and unbuttoning the top until several inches below his collarbone were exposed. She could feel a blush falling upon her cheeks but she was focused on something much more important, his hand taking hold of her own and guiding her fingers down to the spot where his mark lay on the top half of his chest.</p><p>An oak tree.</p><p>It was a simple ink drawing, something ordinary that one might have even seen every day, but it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen - <em>because it was the same as hers.</em></p><p>She let out a hearty laugh, the most carefree laugh that he had heard in years and soon enough - he was laughing with her.</p><p>Gilbert just couldn't help himself, she was there and she was so beautiful. She was brighter than the moon and the stars, more blinding than the sun, burning warmer than any fire that had ever scorched through his flesh. His lips pressed against hers with such a firmness that she almost stumbled back, tangling her fingers into his dark curls and <em>he sighed</em>. His heart sighed in return and he wondered how he had ever managed to doubt what was between them - <em>how could he have ever doubted this?</em> Destiny and fate were tricky, but even they could never deny what was inside his heart, what had always been there. When he first met Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, he was drawn in by her fiery red-hair and her personality that sent off sparks much like fireworks. She was the first to challenge him, the first to stop him in his tracks and make him wonder if he could do better - if he could <em>be </em>better. After his father died, Gilbert had spent every day trying to take care of those around him, opening others with welcoming arms and making sure that they would never slip away from him like everyone else. But it became difficult and after a while, he wondered if he would end up losing everyone that he cared about. His heart was bruised and the only way it could be mended, was by tearing it up into small pieces and giving it away to those who couldn't always give anything in return. Along the way, he was hoping to fix himself. For he knew that something inside him had been <em>broken</em> for a long time, maybe from the moment that he entered this world, knowing that he had taken away his mother's life in a cruel exchange.</p><p>But then he met the girl with oceans in her eyes and sunshine in her soul, and with every moment that he spent with her - it felt like he was slowly putting himself back together.</p><p><em>"I love you..."</em> she whispered against his lips, and it was the most <em>whole</em> he had felt in such a long time.</p><p>He held her close, whispering into her ear like it was a secret, "...<em>and guess what? </em>You're <em>never</em> getting rid of me."</p><p>Anne kissed him again but pulled away relatively soon, panting slightly against that splendid chin, <em>"I would have chosen you..."</em>, at his furrowed eyebrows she continued, "...Mary told me that no matter what was held in store for me, I am ultimately the one in charge of my destiny. She told me that despite what the world wants me to believe, I always have a choice...<em>and I would choose you</em>. If the sun and the moon weren't so kind to us...<em>it would have always been you,"</em> she stroked a thumb underneath his cheekbone, <em>"...and that's something that they could never take from us."</em></p><p>"There's never been a choice for me, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. I would have rewritten the stars and torn them from the sky if I had to."</p><p>...</p><p>Marilla didn't notice it at first. She saw the pair walking towards her from behind the crowd of people dancing, and the first thing she took note of was that they were holding hands. But Anne smiled at her, a smile that could have been stolen from the stars, almost blinding her with bravery. With that smile, her eyes trailed down to the spot on her neck and she was blindingly staring at something that was missing, a meaningless piece of bandage that meant <em>everything</em>. Gilbert squeezed her daughter's hand and after letting out a shaky breath, Anne nodded to her with a small giggle. And just like that - she was left in awe of the pair in front of her. A beautiful oak tree that she had never seen before was peeking out of the red curls and she was making no move to cover up. Marilla didn't think she would ever need to cover it up again.</p><p>"I can't say I wasn't hoping for this."</p><p>The pair exchanged adoring glances and she was brought back to the moment she discovered her own partner in life, and how she harshly tore herself away from him and left her heart bleeding for eternity. She could be nothing but <em>thankful</em> that they would not have the same fate.</p><p>"I, of all people, know that soulmates don't always work out. But all I can say to you two, is...please don't ever let each other go. I know that thwarting destiny seems like the least painful option sometimes, but...I think the universe finally got something <em>right."</em></p><p>She glanced at the dark-haired boy in front of her, a boy that sent her back into the past with every smile, "I decided my own fate with my soulmate and...I might never stop regretting that choice. But I would make the same choice <em>over and over again</em>, if it meant that you could get your happy ending."</p><p>"Miss Cuthbert, may I walk Anne home?" he spoke up with a sheepish smile, "...we've had enough of dancing for now."</p><p>"If she lets you, that is."</p><p>Anne pretended to think that about it, tapping her chin comically before nudging Gilbert's shoulder with her own, "I think that can be arranged."</p><p><em>"100 steps?"</em> he teased.</p><p>She squeezed his hand. "Not anymore."</p><p>It was often said that the hands of fate were cruel. They were fierce, unstoppable and gave little regard for what those of the earth truly wanted. Sometimes it would be just like a game of chess, pieces picked up and moved around without a choice, not knowing whether they would win or lose. But in the end, destiny is what you make it. Anne let Gilbert walk her home to the doorstep that night, and for every night after that - and they didn't stop laughing for a single second. It was a carefree, <em>unshakable</em> kind of laughter. For they knew that their bond would stand taller than mountains, it would be more adaptable than the ocean and secure like their oak tree rooted deep into the soil below. And if they kept digging, they could plant their own flowers and watch their future grow below them. Anne knew that if she could go back and do it all again, no matter what destiny she was given, no matter where they were in the world or how far apart - <em>she would choose him every single time</em>. An entire garden of blooms would blossom beneath them, sunlight splintering into shards of rainbows until they were growing up to the sky, up, up and up. After all - <em>they were only headed for the stars.</em></p><p>
  <strong>“</strong>
  <strong>It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.</strong>
  <strong>”</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(forgive me if this is a mess I wrote it at midnight)</p><p>I cannot thank you guys enough for the amazing feedback I have had on this story, it has meant the world to me and I really hope you were pleased with this sweet sweet (although tense) ending! please leave a comment of your thoughts and any feedback you do have for me - it would really make me smile :)</p><p>I will be starting new fanfics real soon, one will be a modern AU and the other will be post season 3 shirbert and all of their adventures/struggles so subscribe if you want to keep updated with more! I will also leave my social media below if you want to say hi, ask questions or request anything! I promise I'm nice!!</p><p>twitter - @anotherdorklol<br/>tumblr - @the-strangest-person</p><p>- jodie</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>well, I hope that you enjoyed the first chapter and I will uploading another one in the next couple of days, hoping to get this completed ASAP so that I can do more fanfics about our favorite ship! I stayed up very late on multiple nights trying to get this right, so forgive me if it makes no sense whatsoever. </p><p>that being said - feedback, kudos and comments would be really appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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